I can't sleep dont post here
- Locked by RainInTheShadows on Apr 6, '21 11:11pmReason: Owner's request
Thread Topic: I can't sleep dont post here
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This is all huge f---ing waste of time. I'm too stubborn and stuck in my ways, and it's too late for that to change because I don't want it to change anymore.
If I choose to f--- up my life, let me. Don't act like I have no say. I'm going to drop out, whether you like it or not. I can't f---ing do the bare minimum, you know that.
I'd rather drop out than ever have to ask for continuous help. Hell, I would rather die than ask for help. I'm not that type of person, and you know the only pride I have left is the pride of not having to beg for help like I'm a damsel in distress.
You have my brothers to help you feel like a proud grandma, you don't need me to prove anything.
I'm done. I'd rather live in a s---ty run down place like my parents. I'm probably better off there anyways, I don't belong in some weird rich place.
I know this stubbornness will be the death of me, I don't care.
I'll probably put a stop to all of the unneeded therapeutic s--- I'm forced to go to. -
I use the "I" even though the life I've been living was never mine. I don't really know anything about myself, maybe that's a good thing. I don't know how Paige would truly feel about descending to the mess that stands before them. If Paige was that great, she would still be here. But she simply wasn't enough, and so is whatever the hell I am now.
But I think Paige would agree that it's time to give up on all of the bulls---. -
I wish I was like Ellen from the Witches House, but I'd give Viola her body back after the day was over.
I'd just kill to be someone else, someone who's not diseased like me.
But the horrible disease is in every cell of my body, I can't get rid of it. It's inside me, like a genetic demon. Unfortunately, there's no exorcism strong enough to take it away.
And then we get to my mind -
That disagrees with everything it says and thinks; as if it speaks in riddles.
I'm a normal person, becomes I'm broken beyond repair
I'm a creative person, turns into I have no originality
This is all a cry for help because I genuinely need it, slowly shapeshifts into I'm weak and showing how incompetent I really am because I'm an idiot
And I don't know which side to believe -
I can't shut out either side. They just yell in my ear while arguing.
And I'm just so contradictory in general, constantly changing my beliefs. I guess you could say I'm gullible in that way. -
I'll deny everything I said in this thread later if asked...
I just wish I could swallow my pride and be able to admit that everything is the opposite of okay.
But these things about me is why I'll always be alone -
I forgot I posted this.
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