Das saD
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 27, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Das saD
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*serotonin go boop*
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I don't want to be a Negative Nancy or a downer, but sometimes I just don't feel too good and that's how it is, I'm trying to stop that
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If anyone knew what I know, they wouldn't like me anyway. But how I act is who I can become.
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I think that I genuinely LOVE people. They're so unique and special and when they're nice, it's just SO HABBIE
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Even the jerks aren't as bad as you'd think. Not everyone can be nasty all the time, going to their loved ones and being hmph I'm grumpy and hate you, like no! That's just to the strangers that they think they can take advantage of
Irl they'd proly get whooped -
I am not physically powerful or mentally impressive, but I can love with every bit of my being even if the object of my attention doesn't know it and I think that should mean something
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What matters is that you keep going, even if it means you have to stop and catch your breath for a while. What matters is that when you get knocked down, you get back up and fight again, no matter how strong or "weak" you are.
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They don't know it, but I love them. I love them so much it hurts when they're in pain and it's agony when they stab me in the back
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All of them have no idea just HOW much I care because I'm bad at expressing myself and I'm touch-starved but cringe away from affection
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She wants to hug me and hook arms with me when we're walking but the hugs don't feel as good as I wish they did
But it really means something to know that they hug me anyway, even if they know that I'm not awfully comfortable but they want to show that they care -
Which in hindsight doesn't sound as nice as it is. But it's like inviting you to parties even if they know you won't go. It feels good to know that they still care about you enough to try.
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TW: Su!cide
I held a knife to my chest once. I just wanted to know what it felt like and it sent chills down my spine. I wanted to break down and cry. Why was I even doing this? I wasn't going to kill myself, especially not there. I washed the knife and put it back, then put on the mask and kept going. I don't know how to feel about it. -
TW: Death
I hate how emotionless I am. I rarely cry when something bad happens, didn't shed a tear when I heard that my great grandmother died, had a stony face when my little yellow baby stopped breathing. It didn't hit then and I was eerily calm.
But when we were going outside to bury Jims, it really hit. I was carrying a little box with a still form inside, when that form had once been a little chirping, squeaking life. My little golden boy, who I only got to love for a short time before he was gone. I leaned against a tree and cried, really cried. It was the first time in many years since I had cried in front of my friends but I was so broken at that point because it was my fault he was gone.
I was so stupid and I didn't know how to care for him and I had to place the little box with him in it and help bury him. We had a little funeral (which in hindsight was absolutely hilarious considering how it went) but I just missed him so much. -
I have a perfect and happy life with virtually nothing to complain about, but I don't feel whole right now.
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I'm so dramatic, good grief. I have nothing to complain about when compared to others who suffer so much. I need to push down my own problems so I can help other people with theirs, because maybe if I help people with their problems, one day I can deal with my own
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