I don't know what to title this.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:28pm
Thread Topic: I don't know what to title this.
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So how have you all been, GTQ? How have you been spending your afternoon. I was doing wonderfully until I realized something about myself. I had just got done watching a wonderful movie when it occurred to me that I have not felt sadness in a long time. Now please keep in mind that this isn't because things have been exceptionally good lately. By no means have they been. I've just been numb lately.
I'll go out with people and I'll do what they do with them. I'll be serious and sympathetic when people want to vent. I'll laugh and tell jokes when people want to laugh. I'll game when people want to game. I'll be whatever others need me to be. But people don't ever need you to be sad. And so I haven't been.
I'm going to a community college, my grades are slipping, I have no job, my car and my computer have both been broken for the better part of the past two weeks, I'm single although I'm currently not looking, my grandfather is injured, my dog's health is depleting, my friends are avoiding me and forming tight knit groups because they can all share their problems better than I can and are getting closer because of it, and the most horrible part is that not one of these things on its own is enough to feel sad over. But the concentration of all of them happening at the same time should make me sad. I should be frustrated because there is no one thing for me to focus on to improve my situation. I should be miserable right now. But I'm not and that scares me.
So I spent the past hour and a half crying. I cried because I felt absolutely nothing. No joy, no sadness, no relief. The only thing I felt is fear due to the absence of anything else. I was afraid GTQ. Hell, I still am. I'm afraid because I'm shallow, and aware of it. I'm afraid because when I should be breaking down, I'm not. I'm afraid because no matter what I do or say, the only reason I will feel joy or sadness, or excitement is if it's what I'm expected to feel.
I'm posting this here, not because my problem is that I'm my own worst enemy, but because my problem is that I'm my own best friend.
Goodnight GTQ. -
My first instinct is telling me that is how a psychopath would react...no offense...
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I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to this. I know you probably weren't expecting any one person to have a perfect response for you anyway, but I really am sorry. If you're afraid, you should talk to someone who knows how to deal with this. See a therapist or something. Don't confide in the Internet where you'll find a bunch of teenagers posing as psychologists. And I hope whatever happens, you start feeling again soon.
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^Pretty much summed up my thoughts.
Aside from that, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not some emotional expert or that s---. But we're here for you.
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