Is it normal to feel fake?
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:28pm
Thread Topic: Is it normal to feel fake?
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I don't know. Sometimes I stop and wonder how much of my personality is real. I always feel like I've made my entire being up, like I've been making myself be sad or angry or aggressive or proud. I don't know if this just looks weird as f---- I'm doing my best to describe it.
I know that what I feel hurts. Sometimes I feel like my chest is empty and there's nothing in me and I can't breathe. When I'm alone in bed at night I cower and wait for the ceiling to fall in on me and crush me to death. It terrifies me. Sometimes I feel so sad and alone. Sometimes I sit down in a room with my mom and I feel like there's something smothering me for all the tenseness I feel around her. Sometimes I lie awake at night and cry because I can't stop thinking about how I'll die, and no one will ever have loved me, and I'll have let my whole family down, and I'll never have been what they wanted me to be. Sometimes I feel tiny, like I'm never going to be anything. I want to lie in my bed and wait to die instead of trying to grow up and be successful because it all seems like it's in vain.
Sometimes I wonder if I really care about my friends. I know that sometimes I want to just sit with them and hold them because they're sad and I know that their sadness is just as unpleasant for me as it is them. Sometimes I feel I'd die for them. Sometimes I want to kill everyone that ever hurt any of them. Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach like I might throw up my guts because I know I'm just a lost puppy to them and they're just pitying me. Sometimes, when they get mad at me, it feels quite literally like the world is on fire and nowhere in the universe is safe because no matter where I go, they'll still be angry at me.
Right down to the music I like and the celebrities I care about. I know what my music feels like to me. Sometimes it feels like it's the only thing keeping me safe. Sometimes I think I might go mad without it. I sit alone in the dark for hours at a time just listening to it, and it makes me feel empty when I do that, but also really warm at the same time? That doesn't make sense, but I don't know what to say. It's very confusing to me.
I know how I feel about all of these things, but for some reason, I always find myself wondering if I'm lying about all of it. I don't think I'm a good enough actress to make me feel so deeply about all of these things. I can't fake pain, and I know that, but I still worry about it. I worry that I'm fake and everyone around me can see it and they're disgusted by me. Is this normal? -
Yes.
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Wonderful. Thank you very much.
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I do all the time!
All the time. -
Im sorry, your descriptor describes how I feel a lot of the time, and Ive heard of people like that as well, so as far as I'm concerned, it is.
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Sorry? I was serious. Thank you. .-.
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ilovepuppyz NoviceUm... You really don't have to answer this, but... Do you beleive in God? Having a savior really fills a void in your life and gives you goals and morals and a purpose. I suggest it, but I don't want to start a debate here. Just a thought tha I hope will go a long way.
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Religion is the opium of the...
...I should leave. -
Coldest: oh, its fine, I thought you were being sarcastic, people have been hostile towards me a lot today.
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Let's not even go there. Thank you.
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*That was to Puppyz.
No, I meant it. Thank you, Nick. -
ilovepuppyz NoviceI am sorry. I only meant that it was an option. I just want you to be happy.
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I know you mean well, and I appreciate it. Religion has been a constant source of stress and depression for me, since I was very young. I can't do that. But thank you.
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ilovepuppyz NoviceI really appose phsycologists most times, and I wouldn't do it... But have you ever considered one? Not that you're crazy. You just sound a little depressed, that's all. Wow, I am trying so hard to be nice.
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My mom doesn't believe there's anything wrong with me, so she won't take me anymore.
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