I just want to sit down and cry forever
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:27pm
Thread Topic: I just want to sit down and cry forever
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Because what a lot of you go through is much, much worse than this. So I feel like a little brat to even bring it up. But to me this is my entrie world, and it's just been crushed. It would mean my entire world for you to read this, but...yeah, you don't have to. I guess I just need to get this out somewhere.
Background History -
(You don't have to read this part if you don't want)
So, nonprofit work has always been a huge part of my life - actually, it's what I live. My grandma has always been the same way and has revolved her life around helping others, bless her heart. (Huge shout-out to my grandma!) She had an anual Halloween party to bring the community together. My friend and I have been running a bake sale during the party for the past few years. (We've been doing no profit since we were 8, just not Halloween until recently). Today was that bake sale.
It doesn't seem that hard.
Bake the cupcakes.
Set them up.
Tell your neighbors.
Stand there and smile.
Those four steps are so much more grueling than they sound. We've spent the past few weekends walking around in the cold, handing out flyers door-to-door. But, like, actually knocking and having a conversation with the person about it, inviting them to the party and stuff. We then had to slave over a hot oven and some mixing bowls, adding up to a hundred cupcakes and a few cookies. Then frost and cautiously decorate each one. That's 14 hours on your feet and dishes left over. Plus my grandma left her kitchen a mess so we had to scrub a bunch of things down. We were running on Diet Coke, Diet Coke, and more Diet Coke. I think mine added up to about 6 and a half. By the time we crashed, it was 5:30 AM. We had to get up early for the party the next morning.
Important Stuff -
Nearing the end of a successful day (this was earlier today), I smiled and looked down at the cupcakes. About 8 left. A full cash box. Lots of money to be sent to children in need. Plus, lots of new neighbors had joined the party, due to our extra flyering this year.
But I had been hoping my sisters would come to the party. It's even over a month since I've seen them. It doesn't seem like a long time. It isn't. But a few days ago, I looked at a picture of them and started crying. My heart is aching so deeply for them. So, my mom and her stupid friend decide to get massages, which (long story short-ish) causes my sisters to not be able to come.
My mom (well I live there too lol) lives an hour away from my grandma, but sice she was in she was going to pick me up and take me home because I have school tomorrow. She walked in, said hi, then went out to the back yard to see the party. She didn't say anything about our sale. Which isn't the worst thing in the world. It's just that she's never supported my work. Ever. I cannot name one time.
She then came back in and forced me to get into the car, even though I was in the middle of selling. I argued for quite a while over it. The party wasn't even over yet, I was in the middle of selling, and wasn't packed and ready to just up and leave. There was still clean-up and a crapload of s---. She was really anxious to get home though, so I just went and got my stuff so she would stop yelling at me. I then remembered I was wearing my friend's pants, so I went to change. When I came back from changing, she stormed up to me and told me to hurry up. I went to get the last of my things and was greeted by my grandma who wanted to take a few pictures of my friend and I. (A couple party guests were hanging around in the kitchen) I leaned next to my friend for a quick picture, and my mom stormed in and I am not exaggerating, she yelled louder than this bold text for me to get in the car. In front of our clients, who fell silent. Most of them in there were new and well that was there first impression. I don't get embarrassed that easily. I thought.
Quotes from my mom (who was in tears) once in car:
(She was talking to her friend, talking about my grandma)
"God, that woman infuriates me!"
"She's a crazy lesbian hippy...weird as s---."
"She has to run these stupid parties every year" *friend and her roll eyes*
She turned it on my grandma like it was her fault! No matter what my grandma and I do to help others/the community, she always shoots us down and b----es about it and rolls her eyes and scoffs at it. All she ever accomplished with her life is watching TV!!! And my grandma has done so much. I think she's just jealous or something.
She claimed that I will never go back to my grandma's again. (BTW this is my dad's mom XP) I know that won't happen; my grandma would drive to the end of the earth to see me. Plus she's said things like this before. And my grandma didn't even do anything!! She just randomly barged in (unexpected) and yelled at the top of her lungs for me to leave. The thing that hurts is I know that's what she wants, even if I know that isn't going to happen. She doesn't support my projects and just wants me to stop. I don't know why. But all I can do right now is lay here and stare.
Tomorrow I am going to show up at school and get chewed out for not finishing my book. I'll want to say "I walked the cold, dark city streets at night, baked for fourteen hours, and set up and ran the stand, all to raise money I don't even get a share in. Does that count for anything?" But I won't say that. Because it doesn't count for anything. I'll slide into my seat and share off into space. I'm not sure what else there is to do. -
I'm sorry I brought this up.
It doesn't seem like a big deal at all.
But to me, it's what I live for.
Anyway, thanks to whoever reads this :)
But if you don't I get it, I just needed to post this somewhere :/ -
Aww I'm so sorry.
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Thanks, Scar :) I'm sure you go through much worse, so I feel bad for even....but yeah thanks :)
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I can't believe you actually read all of this :)
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Eh,we all have those moments >.> I'm sorry that happened.
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Thanks Jade :)
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*hugs*
I know what it's like not being able to see your grandmother and a parent talking about them -
Man, I'm sorry >.> I don't understand your mom's actions and she seems like she's being awfully selfish right now.
But hey, remember. Those you help really appreciate your charity work, and that you enjoy what you do. That's all that matters. Don't let your unsupportive mother discourage you from doing good. c: -
Thanks you guys :)
I really appreciate you guys being here for me! *cries tears of joy* You guys are the best -
P.S. I don't understand her either :/
Scar -
*hugs back*
Aww :/
P.S.S. I like your new avatar.
I should've planned that out so it would've been more organized XD -
Thank you
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:)
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