My turn to make my very own thread.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:21pm
Thread Topic: My turn to make my very own thread.
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Not even. Please, just stop. I'm so sick of you people..
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I don't even know anymore... There are people in this world I would die for, without hesitation. And that's saying something, all things considered. Why do they have to constantly be at each other's throats? Why can't I find a way to make everyone happy? Am I just that useless?
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No. No no no no no. Fucking. Morons. You don't know what's happened. It's none of your business anyway. Butt the hell out, because you are fucking clueless. All this bullshit... You people make me sick.
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You can defend him all you want, but he's dead wrong, and that means you are, too. There are no words for how angry I'm getting right now..
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I MADE A SIGN TOO.
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Lovely... -
..Kitty.
Yep. -
It's not helping... All this and I still want to cut something. -
I think I will... The things nearly no one seems to understand about me.
I love to argue, and I love to fight. I like causing pain to people who have hurt me, whether it be emotionally or physically. At the same time, I look at the violence filling the world, and I wish it all would end. I see the sorrow and the bloodshed, and it makes me sick. World peace. I wish we could manage that. I want that so badly.. I want all of the killing and hatred to end. This desire, of course, remains parallel to my liking of hurting people who hurt me.
I don't care whether or not I'm in a relationship. I want so badly to know how it feels. The thing is, neither of those things are lies. At some points, I really don't care at all that no one cares about me that way. At the same time, I have to acknowledge that I'm alone, that I always have been, and that I always will be, and that scares me.
The only two things that really scare me are being completely alone, and dying.
The only thing I seek out in a friendship is loyalty. Once I've decided that I want to be loyal to someone, for the longest time, I'll deal with anything they put me through. I'll let them walk all over me, use me, hurt me.. It takes a lot of pain for me reasoning to kick in and tell me I can find better relationships to be in. People who prove themselves disloyal to someone who counted on them... to me, those are the lowest types.
I cry more than people realize. When my friends are on here fighting, I'll sit here and try to calm them while I cry my eyes out. When Derrick and I were fighting on here, I ended up in tears. When my father yells at me, when my grandmother isn't satisfied with me, when my other grandma starts to cry, when I realize just how much the people in my school hate me... All of these things make me cry.
I try very hard to be respectful to anyone above me. I use proper language, I adjust my behavior to better suit them, I do everything I can to be respectful. But once someone's proven they don't deserve respect, I end up hating them. Always. With no exceptions.
I apparently tend to involuntarily death glare people I hate, which, reasonably, makes them uncomfortable.
I love the cold, and I hate the heat. Simple as that. I feel at home in the cold. It doesn't bother me like it seems to bother anyone else.
I am an extremely childish person. Most people have seen this. It seems to surprise people that I can also be very mature. At times, I'm the one throwing out every unreasonable response I can think of in class, and at other times, I'm the one glaring at everyone around me muttering about how all the immature children need to shut their mouths and listen for once.
When I want to say something difficult to someone, I usually start by just saying their name. If their response seems irritable to me, I say nevermind and end up backing out, because I'm a nervous wreck, and I don't want to make people any more unhappy than they already are. Although, I am a bit paranoid with these things... If people fail to respond to me the first time, I assume they're angry with me and go into a full-scale panic attack.
I think very bad things about very good friends of mine, but I know I'll never say them, because friends shouldn't say bad things about others. But everytime I see them do something related to it, it eats at me..
I pay attention when I hear about someone dying. I watch every one else shrug it off, and then I imagine how that person must have felt as they died. If they were terrified, if they were hurting.. If they were screaming or crying or in the dark, just waiting for death to come. I think about death far too much.
There are times when I want to die. There are. But I'm afraid of death, too, so I won't kill myself, of course. The times when I really, truly want to die, I usually start to talk about it here, but it starts depressing everyone else, so I pretend I'm fine again and be cheerful instead.
I sometimes wonder how it feels to be a normal person. To be surrounded by friends who may or may not care about you in the future, to have lives outside of breathing and sleeping, who fret over crushes and outfits rather than death and sadness.
When people make me really mad, I end up looking all around and finding every possible way to kill them where they are. When I see them next to stairs, I imagine pushing them down. Next to a high up railing, I think of pushing them over. In the classroom, I think of how close the nearest sharp pencil is, and how easy it would be to sink it into their temple.. The scenes play over and over in my mind until I'm satisfied, and then I can let it go.
I know there's nowhere I belong.
There was something else, but I don't think anyone who cares is here anyway, and it would be really hard to explain without seeming too weird. Not like anyone's gonna end up reading this anyway. -
Oh mai 0-0
Words that I speak shall not compare to the poetry you bleed -
Poetry? This isn't a poem..
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I know it's no poem...but it's sooo beautiful!
aswell as your poetry. 0-0
That is all... -
Beautiful... My oddities are beautiful. How nice.
Thank you, then..
All? Am I to assume you're leaving? -
No. Actually I was just concluding my comments towards your master piece (Okay, NOW I'm kissing up...but I speak the truth when I say that was amazing)
And yes, I find looks a shallow deceiver of the beating and bleeding heart within...
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