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- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:18pm
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And I may not have cut myself in a long time, but believe me when I say that the thought has crossed my mind a lot more frequently lately.
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She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
And she only reveals what she wants you to see.
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me. -
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you,
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free,
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me. -
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants,
She's ahead of her time.
Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind -
sometimes I seriously want to die...
The misery of feeling like you've failed the people you love.
The sickening knot in your stomach of yearning for more.
The overwhelming sense of regret in time spent wasted.
The understanding that you aren't wanted. And can't help.
Goodnight everyone. -
I was experiencing trouble earlier, and when I came across this, I wanted to say something but couldn't. As a matter of fact, I come across these often but never know how to respond or feel like what I have to say isn't important enough - that what I have to say won't mean anything to the person I'm saying it to.
I don't know if you'll read this, but I figure I might as well post it if I ever want to sleep tonight. I've been writing on this for about two/three hours now.
This was a letter I wrote out in my private journal;
"I want more than words to say than to write to Bob. I wish someone would just do that for me; take the words right out of my mouth but make them better and be able to help any depression or uncertainties that he has. I and everyone else loves him more than words could possibly say. The fact that I dont have enough courage or patience to nips and picks at me whenever I log onto that f---ing site."
I don't know you a lot. But I don't have to, to know that you're a wonderful person. And I probably can't help your problems when I can barely get out of bed each morning, but I figure I might as well say it. I know hearing this would help me feel better, so what the heck.
I and the people that you know you here love and appreciate and care for you and you are wanted. I wish I had the patience, I wish I wasn't such a failure with an unintentional habit of destroying any friendships I create - because then I would want to get to know you better. You are someone I want to be like... and being an egotistical little c---, that says a lot! Hahaha.
I wish I could offer you advice or say something that could make you feel better. But I'm not good at that. I hate, more than words could ever say, that I can't do that. I just hope the best I could give you was good enough.
If you need to talk, I'll be stalking this site for the next few nights. And I know you have other friends on here that I love you and would be more than willing to lend an ear.
*Hugs* I'm a little late, but goodnight...
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Thank you Kaitie for saying this. It really does make a difference. And although I may have a few people I can talk to on here, some of the things I want to say, I don't want specific individuals on here to see.
I hope I didn't cut into your sleeping schedule too much either.
Further more, I'm honored that you've written about me, even if it were something as dire or morbid as this. The fact that you've taken the time to say anything does make a difference. You are one of the few people on here who I can actually talk to. And like you said, courage and patience. Most people on here either fear me or don't have the time for me. It's not that nobody loves me. I understand that. That's not the issue I have. It's that people fear me. They fear me or I'm not worth the conversation to them. That's where the depression comes from. I can't count how many times people admit that they are scared to talk to me, or how many times people just stop responding because they've found somewhere more interesting to be.
Feeling avoided or worthless is what hurts me the most. And I know that it's childish and foolish to feel so strongly about it, but at least it's feeling something. And it's good to feel anything at all. Because it's better than the alternative.
Kaitie, I have posted entire threads dedicated to asking for someone to talk to almost weekly now for months. None of them have lasted 2 pages before people become either disinterested or leave because they give up. The very fact that you found this and was concerned enough to actually construct a response is more than almost anyone else has done. And that means more to me than you realize.
thank you.
*hugs*
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The only reason I would be scared to talk to you is because you're far more intelligent than I am. I'm scared of being judged or saying something stupid - so I tend to avoid conversation where someone has that advantage. I'm going to assume that's what's going on in everyone else's head.
I don't think it's childish or foolish. I think it's natural. No one wants to feel this way, you're just more open about your feelings.
just going to be open about it. I cried at that 'thank you'. I should be the one thanking you, most people think I'm not worth responding to in situations like this. lol.
You know, you have a habit of leaving threads yourself, mister. Just the other night in my "outsider" thread, I was very excited that you posted but after a couple responses, you left. Granted I was slow and probably didn't give the best responses, but still. I don't mind you continuing to post on those threads.
You and I need to talk more often. I would be more than happy to try and beat two pages. -
I'm not intelligent. No more than anyone else is. I can talk smooth and use big words.. And that makes me sound smart.
I teared up when you first responded. I guess we're even now. ;)
I left because 15 minutes had passed without a response. It was also at the same time that I got really depressed and started this thread. So when I stopped waiting for you, it was the same time that I gave up here.
And we do need to talk more. ;) My record is 3. -
Don't be modest - You are far smarter than the majority of us on here. Deal with it, gurl.
:'D Creys. Creys everywhere.
Oh... I suppose that makes sense then.
My goal is 4+ yeeeeaaaaaaa.
So, if you don't mind me asking, are you doing better? -
Of course not. :D But then again there is no such thing as being better. I'm not thinking about it, so my mood isn't as terrible. But nothing has been resolved, so better would have to only stand as a relative term at the moment.
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Oh. I don't exactly know what to think. I'm glad your mood isn't as bad, but I feel sorry that it hasn't brightened up either.
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Take it as it is. I'm not complaining.
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So... what've you been up to?
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Not much. A lot of it is depressing and angry. (people have actually been telling me I look angry lately)
Are you sure you actually want to know?
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