Sakura No Hato
- Locked by Carri04 on Jan 3, '24 12:21amReason: reeeee
Thread Topic: Sakura No Hato
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I miss Bean. I hope we get to hang out soon...
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I wonder if we'll all get to game today....
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If I ever become a spider, please pick me up and put me on your shoulder.
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Had a cheesecake brownie for breakfast. Nummies.
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Lonely...
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I feel too sad to be awake, today...
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I'll never forget the night Dav helped me fall asleep so I wouldn't be alone... 🥺
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I get severely depressed when I'm alone because I've been shunned and avoided for so long... I can't take being completely alone for hours on end... The best I can do is cry and go to sleep... I tend to spiral and other things when I get lonely... While a service animal has been recommended for me, I'm not able to get one, so it's really hard to be alone...
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I feel heavily discouraged and I cry because I wonder if all of the trauma is irreversible... I often feel like it's hopeless to live like this...
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I can't always hope Brandan and Dav will be around... Some days nobody is around... It's hard to manage when I'm completely alone... I wonder if I can get an accepting from my doctor that will allow me to get a service animal or maybe a referral or some sort of grace funding...
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I've been dealing with PTSD, but things have become more triggering lately and they add on to the weight. I've been having episodes at work where I forget where I am or have flashbacks and when I come to, I feel alienated to the people around me... I start hyperventilating and have nothing to calm me down... But, because I work with food, there's no way I could have a service animal at work, even if I could afford one...
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I feel so alone because nobody else in my family has any (diagnosed) illnesses, so they all veiw me as strange and defected because they all "turned out fine" and then I'm f---ed in the head...
I feel alone... -
My family shames me because they don't want to come to terms with the realization that I am, in fact, and after all these years, disabled...
I didn't know until recently that I qualified as such... I just knew that all of these things made my life so much harder... And my parents told me if I'm able to function and go to work no matter how hard it is, I'm not disabled, especially since nothing is physically wrong... I always thought I needed a paper that clearly states it, but apparently in the work place, I'm only required to have the symptom and diagnoses sheets to prove that my experiences are covered under the criteria of the ADA...
I don't know how to process that I actually have a disability... I just thought I was weak this whole time... -
I feel like crying, really, since I now know I'm definitely broken and different than the rest of my family... I feel like crying because I was shamed and they kept gaslighting me about the struggles I face(d)... I feel relieved to know it wasn't all in my head, but I also feel lost...
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I'm going to be talking to my doctor this next week, so hopefully we can figure something out...
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