How do you not cry in an argument?
- Locked due to inactivity on Jan 30, '23 3:54am
Thread Topic: How do you not cry in an argument?
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I don’t like to think of myself as a sensitive person, but a lot of people say I am. I overthink thinks quite often and usually tend to avoid getting into debates with people because I don’t want my opinion put down because then I’ll start crying.
Lately, my mother and I have been getting into a lot of arguments. At the dinner table, I said that I disagreed with spanking your child because I don’t think it does anything other than make them cry. Plus, I believe that spanking should be stopped once the child is old enough to understand what’s right and wrong. Like not drawing on the walls and things like that.
Of course, if it’s a situation where they aren’t listening to anything or if what they’re doing puts other people in danger, then yeah. Spanking would be a last resort. I didn’t say the last part though because my mom was already cutting me off and shoving her own opinion in.
Fast forward to today, my little sister (5) did something bad and got spanked because she was told over and over again not to do the said thing and it was putting someone in danger. I have to say, she had it coming for her because she knew not to do it.
Anyhow, my mom calls me upstairs and starts lecturing me about how in some situations children should be spanked. I agreed with her on some of the points she made, but I disagreed on a couple more and said that I wouldn’t spank my child if it isn’t necessary. As an example, I couldn’t think of one so I used one of the situations from when I was 10. I was behind in schoolwork, so my mom would put on timers. If we didn’t finish within the time, then we’d get spanked.
She got all on my case about how I was calling her a bad mother and that I was disrespecting her parenting, when I was just trying to state an opinion. I started crying (like in a lot of arguments I’ve been in) and told her I was only trying to give my opinion. I don’t want to cry, and quite frankly I don’t feel the urge to cry. But for some reason the tears keep falling and I can’t stop them. I’ve tried a lot of methods such as pinching myself, clenching and unclenching my fists, taking deep breaths, moving around, fidgeting, etc but nothing works.
I’ve been called manipulative because of it and a bad communicator. I swear to all the stars above, I wouldn’t cry if I could control it. Does anyone have anything that’ll help? -
My dad was very similar to that in certain aspects. I completely understand the crying thing and I don't think it is because you're too sensitive at all. It's just emotionally exhausting to listen to someone tell you all the reasons why your opinion is invalid and then when you try to defend yourself they shut you down and misconstrue your words. It's very toxic behavior and you're not weak at all.
My heart breaks for you because I really know exactly what that's like and it can take years to even begin to heal from invalidation wounds. your opinion is completely understandable and you deserve to have people listen to your ideas and reply with sincerity and not volatility.
I know it's hard. It can feel very "damned if I do, damned if I don't." I'm here for you if you ever need to talk more about this or just need someone to listen to you. Sending love and support your way. ❤ You dont deserve to be spoken to that way by anyone ever, especially over an seemingly small disagreement -
I wish I could give you more tools to cope but I think you're on the right track with grounding techniques. Sometimes you just need to cry and that's okay. Your pain is valid. You are valid. The only think I could even think that might help is practicing going to a safe place mentally once you feel you're able to to. Distracting yourself with movies, videogames, music, or whatever else can also help you relax after emotionally intense situations.
I really wish I could help more. I'm so so sorry you have to go through all that -
Thank you. That made me feel a whole lot better, and I’m sorry you went through the same thing. :( <3
Now she sent me a scripture verse about humility and wants me to write a whole page on it? Like??? Does she want an apology for me having an opinion?
And she also keeps bringing up past trauma that I’ve moved on from. Even when I told her about it, she never helped me. All she said was to go read the Bible and pray to God for help. But when it came to my brother and his problems, she offers him therapy.
If she didn’t help me when I asked her for help, then I don’t want her bringing up past trauma. She didn’t even “help” me at all.
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