Welcome to Antilia.
- Locked by breadgirl69 on Mar 24, '23 5:18amReason: Request
Thread Topic: Welcome to Antilia.
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There are days where I just can't with human interaction, but I still need interaction. It's hard to explain and it's hell to go through this...
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I also get really sensitive, at this point, and every little word or action matters to me. Like, I sent someone a message yesterday, trying to start small talk but also because I genuinely cared; they looked at the message and never responded.
I don't know how to feel about that. -
Crying is all I know for emotional release, if all else fails...
I cry a lot because I have a lot in me. It's a lot of stuff we don't talk about... -
In all honesty, as the world appears to be utter s---, I don't think I'll ever be "normal", mentally/emotionally ever again, if I was to begin with. I don't feel like these issues will ever go away.
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And I'm immune to medication...
Any meds for physical pain or even mental distress--they never work. And I can't have anything stronger. And I don't want to change meds for the 3rd time. But nothing works... -
And it's because I'm stuck, more or less, in the same situation, just a different setting. And if this is how my life is going to be no matter where I am and since I exist, I may as well go back to where there were less people doing this to me...
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I'd like to leave...
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But, then, there's the obvious...
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It's why I'm here.
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In the end, I've learned one thing for certain: Never try to help yourself even when you think you deserve it; it only causes more trauma in the process of trying to get rid of the trauma.
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If I stayed there and somehow made it past that day--let's say that I remained alive, that day--what would I be doing right now? What would've happened if I just continued to play along with their game and die inside because they rejected my feelings and disregarded my mental health? Things would be normal. They wouldn't have a load of s--- against me...
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But, I wouldn't have ever gotten to be with the love of my life, perhaps. Yes, we knew each other here, but I don't believe he ever would've asked me to be his, if I only had access to this place. Also, I didn't come online often enough to see him whenever he was active...
I probably would've missed him every time.
I probably would've continued to see him as another GTQ user, keeping to myself for fear that I would be intruding; also because I wouldn't have anything to say.
If I didn't get to know him personally, this...would not be... -
If I didn't go through hell...I never would've reached you...
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Then, where would you be? Would you be in agony yourself for reasons I could not help you through? I don't see myself to have helped you too much, but if you truly believe I have, I'm glad that I could. I only want the best for you. And I don't want to imagine you in any pain if there was anything I could have done to keep it away from you.
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Had one thing gone differently than the way it did, we would not be together...
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