Just Your Typical Strife
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 26, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: Just Your Typical Strife
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I'll probably find out some other time, I guess. I might be getting annoying with this.
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I don’t find you annoying but I’ll leave you alone so I don’t annoy you.
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You're fine. I'm just a sad sack today. One thing after another.
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Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had my own in-real-life friends...that stayed friends and didn't just disappear.
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And maybe I don't want to stay here.
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I don't know. Making myself even lonelier won't help.
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I feel bad all around.
Maybe I should just try one more search before I call it quits for now. Idk. I've pretty much exhausted resources in the area. Really not trying to go out of state. -
At least I feel some sort of consolation in knowing what happened.
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I feel so lonely
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I told you that I loved you; you said you loved me, too. You treated me like royalty even when you could barely speak; when you could hardly do anything. Nobody ever understood it, but I understood it just fine. Everyone looked down on you because you "didn't do anything" and you "would never recover"; but I didn't see you any different than the rest of my uncles. You did more for me than they continue to do--or rather, avoid doing--and you--even in your state--showed that you would go to the ends of the earth just to make me happy. And all I could do was take care of you in whatever little ways a kid could. I wanted to spend every moment with you; you were the only person who accepted me completely, no questions asked. You made me feel like I mattered. And I felt like I lived for you; I lived to see you smile; I lived to see you proud of me; I lived to do everything I could to make you happy and comfortable while you were here. And then you left. I told you that I loved you, and you showed it in your eyes; you couldn't speak, in your final hour, but I felt it in my heart. The only thing I never asked was "Did I do enough for you?" And now, that's all I ever hear myself wondering.
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Ever since then, I could feel my own body giving out. But it's too soon. I wanted to be with you. It's been so long, I'm forgetting what you even looked like.
I want to hold your hand one more time. It's not fair that I left with the belief that I'd see you again. -
My heart is physically aching.
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I guess I just have to wait until tomorrow. I'll be able to go back to my normal routine. I'll be alone again.
I mean, I want to be alone when I'm in the house because it beats trying to interact with the others and always getting put down or thrown into a worse state of mind. But then I get lonely because there's absolutely no one. The silence is deafening. All is silent but my mind. It hurts. And everybody else in the house has seemed to have buddied-up with someone. And then there's me. -
I wish I had a cat. Then I'd have someone to hug when I'm sad and talk to when I'm lonely, even if he couldn't talk back. The house isn't big enough for a cat, my parents say; we don't have the money for one and if we did, it'd have to be a girl, they say, because spayed/neutered or not, the girls are cleaner. But I want a boy cat. Why do I have to have a girl everything?
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I do I even come here, though?
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