faith
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 20, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: faith
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hello
how are you? -
I'm great!.
What are you up to? -
thats good
watching youtube, you? -
Nothing. Looking at the ceiling.
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are you that bored?
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a rare state, now common. bordering the line of conscious and unconscious. a void filled with things you want to keep secret, or feelings you dont want to feel. it fills and fills until it inevitably explodes, leaving nothing but a feeling of such numb and emptiness. such lonliness first mistaken for independence, now crippling to the thought. no move, no action, no sound, safe from the flood of nothing. sometimes i simply cant talk, like reaching for something thats not there. i can barely even type, my fingers moving so slow i cant even feel the keystrokes. so light, i feel weightless. and worthless.
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constantly haunted by something just out of sight, buried in my past and blinding me now. i dont remember a lot of what happened before 2018, just faded memories and feelings of such dread. middle school sucked, but i dont even remember a lot of it since so much of it got repressed and overshadowed. overshadowed by fear? hate, insecurities? i want to know why i dont work right mentally. where did it start? where did everything go wrong? i can only assume around 5-6th grade, when i started maturing and seeing the truth all around me. most people dont care about you, they dont care about anyone but themselves. time and time again ive seen man on man violence, murder, unspeakable things happeneing everywhere and no one really cared. even all the positive reinforcement and relationships i had seen wore down and withered in front of my eyes
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i feel more distant from my friends than i have for a while
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everythings getting blurry
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ello
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hey
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how r u
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here, you?
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bored
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thats always fun
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