butt baby
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 23, '22 3:54am
Thread Topic: butt baby
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I'm also really upset instead of happy for my brother because he got his permit because I'm so obsessed with myself and what people think about me that any time either of my brothers achieve things it threatens me
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Especially because I knew what would happen and I was right because now most of my uncles are asking me about getting my permit like him and constantly asking me about when I'm getting a job and I haven't even told them I'm dropping out and thats just going to be another thing I'm never going to hear the end of
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But I can't tell anymore what part of me is genuine and what parts I made up to protect myself
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I'm having alfredo chicken lasagna tonight and I'm very happy abt it bc I've had a really rough week
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Oh God tomorrow is technically my birthday
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It's only 12 AM and I'm already getting the urge to run away
I'm not actually gonna do it but usually this doesn't happen until at least 1:30 AM -
I feel like I'm being talked about behind my back
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And I know it's my fault for being the way I am
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Any time I take one step forward I take 3 steps back
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I'm gonna make myself popcorn idc
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Aight more venting time
I wish I could put my walls down but I can't. And honestly, I think at this point I'm more afraid of possibly feeling happy because I don't deserve it and it should go to someone who will appreciate it. I'm never satisfied with anything. And I always feel I can take more and more sadness. But if I'm not constantly suffering I don't get validation for my past nor do I get attention and we all know attention is my favorite thing in this world. Although, any time someone tells me my emotions are valid I don't believe that and I get angry because I know deep down they don't believe it. Half the time I don't either. It's like when people lie and compliment me when I know they're just saying it because they have to. But the one that really boils my blood is the "I love you" like no you don't you liar. Although it's quite hypocritical bc I constantly lie but lying pisses me off beyond belief. Sometimes, it's the things they never say that kill me. Tell me when I annoy you, tell me when I'm crossing a line. Or criticize something I do. I know I'm not perfect so just tell me. It makes me think people are afraid of me. And I don't understand when I try to vent about insecurities and they don't understand what I'm trying to say (which I'll go into bc idc anymore this site isn't that popular) -
Like- yes I'm insecure about the outside of my body. But that's nothing compared to what's inside. But my issue is what I called my 'diseased' insides. It's in my blood. It's in my cells. It's in every nuclei in this body. I don't know where exactly it originated- I'm assuming my DNA. It doesn't matter how toned or muscular or fit or skinny or whatever I get. I will always hate it because this demented thing is on the inside, and I can't get rid of it. So stop telling me to put on makeup or work out, that won't do s---. I guess that's why I stopped caring about my self care or whatever. This isn't external. I'm not going into detail about what type of things that makes me want to do, bc triggering and forum rules. And it's so hard to talk about when everyone thinks you're just talking about cellulite or body fat.
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Sad Pag should be banned from the internet holy s---
I kinda want to do something stupid like when they cosplay as lightning McQueen and s--- -
Hold on I wanna draw some Garfield worship s---
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I might be going out tomorrow so putting green marker all over my face and calling myself shrek might be a bad play
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