Enjoy my joke app :P
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:15pm
Thread Topic: Enjoy my joke app :P
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The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. Â But custody of the children was a problem. Â
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that, since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. Â
The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story and, after a long moment of silence, the mountaineer slowly rose from his chair and said, ‘Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?’ -
Three men died and stood in front of God. Â
God asked the first if he had been faithful to his wife. He admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven. Â
The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a midsize car. Â
The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car. Â
A week later the three guys met in a parking lot. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.  ‘What's the matter?’  ‘I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!’ -
After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. Â Â
When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. ‘What seems to be the problem?’ Â
Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. Â After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately and sat her back down.Â
Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.  The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, ‘Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!’ Â
The husband scratched his head and replied, ‘I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.’ -
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
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If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him chequebooks.
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Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?,Â
A. Both of them. -
Man says to God: ‘God, why did you make woman so beautiful?’, God says: ‘So you would love her.’, ‘But God,’ the man says, ‘why did you make her so dumb?’, God says: ‘So she would love you.’
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The one about driving to heaven is officially my favorite. xD
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