Cabeswater Landing
Thread Topic: Cabeswater Landing
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Also "oop" im not Canadian
I hope my slang eventually moves on. This cant be the things i say forever. -
Might write in 1st person and not 3rd. Wild, right?
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I havent written in first person in AGES buuuuut Man does rae carson make me wanna write
And she does 1st person sooo f---ing well
I just... really think narratives written in 1st person.. are just more captivating idkkkkk -
Like im sitting here thinking of all the books that inspired me to want to write, and most are in 1st person pov. I think im digging the ideaaaaa but idk
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I'll try the Mississippi Bonavich story soon
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I miiiight do some online shoppingggg maybe
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Tw suicidal ideation
I wanna die under the stars, so I can look at them one last time while I fade out.
I wanna die, period. I am so sick of having to exist. I don't know if I'm gonna last much longer -
And don't anybody dare say I didn't try, cause I've literally cried my eyes out begging for help and all I got were bills.
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When I go to my psychiatrist appointment im gonna tell her im never ever going to the hospital again. It was pointless and now I have one more boulder on my back.
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I'm so angry about it, too. I want to cry and scream. I'm so sick of being stuck in my head. I'm tired of always feeling nothing, or everything, there's never been any in-between in which I can pause and breathe.
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I want to die all the time. Constantly. It's an ache in me that never ever goes away.
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If i take even a moment to breathe or think, it consumes me.
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I've got such a long list for going and not a single reason to stay. Not sure what I'm f---ing around for. I've looked and looked for something worth living for and I'm realizing I won't find it. It sure as hell ain't other people.
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I am filled to the brim with self-hatred most of all, I know good and well that I'm the root of all my misery. I really, really wish I could leave myself behind like everyone does. I keep thinking about running away but I know how that would play out. My problems aren't this town. It's me. It's me. It's me.
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Idk why I act like I have time to write anything
Its like ive got two different a--holes controlling my body. One who knows and accepts the eventuality for the best, and the other who knows, knows it's for the best, and still keeps fighting desperately and acting like it ain't happening. I hate her.
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