I know I'm permabanned

• Locked by axelbeans on Jul 2, '20 5:51pm
  
  Reason: lowkey request(?) she said she doesn't want to talk, just say her piece

Thread Topic: I know I'm permabanned

• 

  temporaryfag Advanced

  4 years ago
  yeah the username isn't giving you a good impression and it never did
  
  but I wanted to explain (and apologize) thoroughly for what i've been doing for the entirety of my lifespan on the forums and in general to other people. it seems cliche, bow down to the mysterious bully behind the weird username, but im not a bully, but a broken and exhausted human being. when i was younger I was obviously going to be more cruel, everyone was in the irl and online landscape, especially with trying to impress, gather validation, and most importantly to see what sticks and what doesn't; being young means to experiment with no foresight. i generally did feel extremely bad for what i done but i didn't really care, because harm was also being done to me. nobody wanted to hear the full story.
  
  i'm not "anon," i'm not "drew" i'm not a deviant
  im someone some of you know and tried to be friends with.
  in reality I don't have a problem with anyone, no race or creed, doesn't matter your sexuality. i actually admire the fact that you guys are earnest in your identity, you are all f---ing courageous. but right now on surface level im very upset and just trying to scope the levity of my dire situation (family problems, nothing of lawful concern hopefully but it's damaging to the household)
  
  i just wanted to say sorry. dont have to take my millionth apology as I climb the mountain with the boulder. it was my fault for not expressing why I'm a s--- human in some regard. people underestimate how much of their personal lives they take with them into this vast source because we are all liars. we all want to be strong, we all want our own individuality.
  
  but tl;dr
  
  I feel bad towards the mods and giving them a hard time, especially Heph.
  I'm sorry for Seth for s--- talking him forever.
  I am sorry for being rude to Absol, who I used to be friends but I guess it never really extended that far (never expected it to)
  I'm sorry for Kish (look at the favorite mod poll someone made for reference)
  I'm sorry for breadboy, for me not knowing who was the Discord admin for the server was, keeping me blindsided
  I'm sorry Alex3000, you're not a terrible person
  I'm sorry to Dark and Chainsaw, for misrepresenting your claims, being accusatory towards your characters, spreading an unfortunate situation and laughing about it, and making fun of Dark's art which was just s---ty literally.
  I'm sorry for rvelez for embarassing yourself tbh.
  I'm sorry towards Kalafina, for not solidifying any trust or bond between ourselves and for not expressing my emotions to you when you really DID care and you were extremely there for me.
  I'm sorry for Shido for getting in unnecessary fights. You're way better of an artist (tbf everyone on here is as well because they have the secret skill of discipline and motivation and i can't even draw a face anymore. I tried to be or feel better than everyone else because I can draw more than a stick figure, but nahh son, all of you are so much better, you and Pine)
  I'm not sorry for Acrimony.
  And I'm sorry for the rest of this god-forsaken website for putting up with me, you're all weird, but nice.
  
  I don't really care where this goes. I do not want to talk. This is for you to see. And eventually, will be locked or deleted, idk. Right now isn't the proper place to establish relationships or talk to people. I have to work on me.
  
  I didn't get a proper closure.
  I'm not a monster. I just never have been in the right place at the right time and took things online for granted due to my irl situation.
  
  Life is hard man
  
  
  Good luck to you all.

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