Im gonna admit something
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 19, '20 3:54am
Thread Topic: Im gonna admit something
-
I’m suicidal. And I’m not saying this to stir up drama, I’m truthfully been wanting to kill myself for a long time.
And I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t really help it. I’ve lost my appetite and a lot of my trust for my family members. I’m really scared about whether I’ll kill myself or not. I’m trying to tell my parents but they’re calling it ‘a stage of life.’ Eventually, my dad took it seriously. We had a conversation about him trying to get me to a therapist as soon as he could, unfortunately my brother eavesdropped on us and started to bully me due to the fact that he thought I was over dramatic.
I also feel responsible for my grandfather’s death. I don’t know why, but I do. I also feel responsible for a lot of other upsetting things. My best friend committed suicide because of something that had to do with me, and I hold myself completely responsible for everything that happened to him. I’m really stressed out, and I keep learning incredibly sad things about my parents. I don’t know exactly why but I’m getting super upset about the fact that my mom had three miscarriages. I don’t want to talk to my family about this anymore, I honestly trust people here a lot more than anywhere else.
I just really need some help. -
I don’t want to do it but I feel like I need to.
-
Do you have a plan?
-
First of all, getting professional help is strongly encouraged. I have a lot of experience with these feelings you're having, and I can tell you that finding the right psychiatrist and the right meds has made all the difference.
Secondly, if you need to talk to someone, you can always come to me.
My Discord is quiet like murder#7581, and my phone number is (636) 221-4194. You can call me, text me, message me. Anytime. I'll do my best to be there for you. -
something that stood out to me from reading your first post is mentioning your mom's miscarriages. my mom had trouble too, before i was born. i know it's not good to guilt people, but what i always told myself when i was in your place was that she'd already lost a baby, she didn't need to lose me too. your mom's lost three, don't take away a fourth.
the world is not an easy to kind place to live in right now and to deny that would be wrong, but that isn't a reason to die. ending a life doesn't make null any of these things that you're dealing with, and doesn't make it easier for anyone you leave behind.
Tell your brother to stop being a piece of s--- and if you can, try to bring up the therapy thing again. if you can get the right therapist, it helps. -
It didn’t just pop up this year. Last year and the year before I’ve also been suicidal. I’ve also tried multiple times, but I can never end up hurting myself.
I think it’s everything that has built up to it, family members being selfish and inconsiderate, bringing the others down so their ego won’t die.
I didn’t mention that my family members are extremely proud, and each of us hate admitting something wrong with them. I think they built themselves so high up. -
First, I know what you're going through and suicide is never the answer.
I do agree with The Coldest Sun, and roo. Seeking professional help is the best thing to do. It might seem like a scary step to take, but it is one that will be best for you overall.
As for the death of your grandfather, and your moms miscarriages, those aren't your fault. *hugs*
If you do need someone to talk to, my tgread is always open. -
I ask if you have a plan not to be insensitive, but to assess the amount of risk. Are you in a safe place? Are there objects you can get rid of in order to make it a safe place (such as knives and other sharp objects, medicine etc.)?
-
i don't know if i can say that my family is the same, because i don't know your family, but what you're saying sounds similar to my experience growing up. any illness was drama, and any time spent together quickly became a competition to make fun of someone else. if i wasn't the subject (usually was), i was lucky to be avoiding the conversation entirely.
my advice there is to prioritize yourself-- what makes you feel okay, what do you need to get yourself to the point where you can manage these feelings, and follow that plan. if your family's pride is hurting you then you aren't required to participate, let alone stick around when you have the freedom. you have the option to be better than what they're doing right now, and personally i would take it. technically, i already did, and i'm better off. -
Thank you. I know I’m not the direct cause of their death but I wish there was something I could do to prevent it, anything. I felt like they were the only people that would really help me back then. I’m scared of how my friends will think of me, I know it’s stupid but I am. I really love them as friends and I don’t want to break apart from them, they’re my second most trusted people but I’ve never told them anything about my suicidal thoughts.
-
Listen, I really don’t want to kill myself, and I’m not even sure that I could if I were absolutely sure. Each time I think of life without me and how upset people would be, and every time it stops me. But I know the stress and pressure that people put on me isn’t okay, and I need to find a way to help myself out of it.
-
okay! that's something that we can work with then. tell us more about that.
again, this is something where a therapist could help with more than we probably can, not just because they have the actual training but because i'm assuming they would be able to mediate with your family if that was something you wanted. -
And the bad part is that my family is much better off than other people. And it makes me feel too different to have friends that are different. When we walk outside our community, I feel people staring at us like we’re the complete opposite of us.
Everyone tries to trick my parents out of their money, and they never let it happen. So I can’t trust anyone who’s overly friendly to me.
I hate it. -
then money should be no issue when it comes to seeking a therapist. seriously would recommend. growing up i was always against therapists and thought that they sucked, i hated the ones my catholic grandma picked for me. aaand then i had a bit more say in it, got on antidepressants (which i need to take soon whoops), and literally my therapist is my hero oh my god.
-
i meant to add this on but it submitted without me, what's your age group? only as much as you're comfortable sharing obviously
Pages:
- 1
- 2
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
