I'm not fine.
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 10, '20 3:54am
Thread Topic: I'm not fine.
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But for a while, I've been putting on a facade of being closed off, which some people think is just me being some "unusual" or "mysterious" entity that no one knows or talks to, which is why I'm the least likable or favorite amongst the pool of older users (which is true). I just wanted to get this off my f---ing skin, and I'm probably just being an egocentrical jackass for thinking that this matters and that I'm randomly proposing any assumptions but I'm not alright, and I've never been okay or content with my life. In fact, it's so bad that I don't open up or talk to my family members because I'm genuinely tired of opening up to people, because there's a weird myth that people believe that if you open up things will magically be redeemed or solved, and that opening up ends conflicts. This isn't the case. The world has elusive rigged rules; we are all bound to them. Because of this, it leaves a range of possibilities and interpretation that a single human being can't possibly handle, and leaves them into a state of depression or anxiety. It's basically just spiraling in awareness to the point where it deceives or blurs any knowledge. And now that I have practically no friends, my family members would not cry if I passed away, and my future seems bleak, I just feel dead. It's a very cliche thing to say, but I'm dead, I'm in a vegetative state. I've never been the competent kid or well-versed in social reality.
Tl;dr Telling you the truth shouldn't warrant any sympathy, but I'm miserable and I feel helpless and I just wanted to open up. People don't and will NEVER care about me, and I guess in some order you have to play a role, even if you're brutally sanctioned. I'm just coming to the fact and truth that this is it, this is my reality; perhaps I'll die alone and achieve nothing. It's better just surrending to that fact instead of running away from it using frivolous measures like drugs, alcohol, sex, entertainment, any shallow measure of "culture" or "society" to drive us away from the withstanding cosmic principles.
I'm sad.
Lol -
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