For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time.
- Locked by The Coldest Sun on Apr 4, '21 3:47amReason: Locked at creator's request.
Thread Topic: For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time.
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feel like crying
don't know why
don't like feeling like this -
this would normally be the part where I'd start drinking, but I just told my father I'd only drink socially from now on
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I wish it mattered how I'm feeling
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can't explain it
don't know what it is
can't do anything about it
can't stop time, go anywhere, but anything
I can try to sleep it off but I don't want to throw away the rest of my night -
*buy anything
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I need to stop.
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but I feel so alone
carol is right here with me and I can't even feel the company
she isn't even acknowledging that I'm here -
stop stop stop stop stop
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I wish I could talk to her about it
I wish I knew what to say
I wish there were anything she could do anyway -
Why do I try?
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Am I supposed to be happy? Am I supposed to have people in my life? It seems like I'm just hurting myself hoping for someone to care about me.
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Maybe I'd be better off if I accepted that my role in life is to be temporary in everyone else's. Maybe I'm just supposed to be a phase. Maybe my only real value is in what I can give people while they're willing to subject themselves to me. Maybe I need to stop getting attached.
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I'm really just gonna sit here and absolutely fall apart while she dozes on the couch across the room
I've gotten so good at shattering quietly -
Can I find a positive way to spin this? Or do I even deserve that?
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maybe I should go for a walk
staying here is making it worse
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