my thread ^-^
- Locked due to inactivity on Feb 12, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: my thread ^-^
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I wonder why I don’t talk to anyone
It’s cause I always make random scenarios in my head of them either leaving me, hurting me, or just hating me -
back to me feeling empty
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sad
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emotional shutdown
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damn in my 15 years of living I never saw my mom drunk until now
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mr loverman hurts but it’s relateabke
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I’m pretty sure a toxic trait of mine is just that when I know someone is gonna be distant, I get distant too
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why do I get so sad when I realize I’m never gonna have one person stay with me
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i always feel like the more distant someone will get, the more they don’t wanna be with me. there’s no reason for me to feel like this, I don’t wanna blame it on trauma but it’s probably that. I f---ing hate how I just self sabotage everything and I’m gonna be the reason why everything in my life goes to s--- until my last breath. I wonder how I’m even alive
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I’m always a second choice and never a priority. everything isn’t going to be about me, I know, but I just feel like no one ever cares about me unless they don’t know how I really am.
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back to acting emotionless and hollow so I don’t get bothered by every little change in how someone speaks
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f--- it rant time
I’m never gonna get over how much ryo is right but wrong when he said that love wasn’t real. It is real, it’s a feeling and a change of mind. you wanna be with the person and love them and spend your life with them. you see their hardest times and their worst moments and sides of themselves. but when you think about it, it’s not real when people convince themselves about it or force themselves into being in love. I’m happy that I have someone and that I do feel so much love and that I’m finally knowing what it means to be in love, but in a couple of my past ones it wasn’t real at all. those relationships convince me to this day that I will never be loved, and that I will always be that girl that will always be broken and never will heal because of my experiences. love is real, but not at the same time. -
wish I could be high and get rid of all of my problems instead of keeping the same thoughts in my head and crying.
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I’m too f---ed up for anyone to love me. how could anyone want to be with me after hearing all the stories of my childhood, my intrusive thoughts, and my long list of insecurities
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feeling a bit better but I don’t know how long that’ll last
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