Letters
- Locked due to inactivity on Jan 22, '19 3:54am
Thread Topic: Letters
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~No names besides first names shall be mentioned, these letters are not private and you may read them if you wish. I just need to let it out where I can~
To the one I used to love,
Happiness is so hard to find. Which is why when you took it from me, I couldn't stop hurting.
I still remember the way we used to be, the way you'd kiss me or the way you'd hold me. I remember the jokes we had and the laughter you saved just for me. I remember when I first fell in love with you, where I made myself believe it was a silly little teenage crush until that time you told me that you love me. I remember that special little smile, or the way you'd call me kitten. I miss that especially.
I also remember how it began to fell apart. That Friday in the field where all we did was make out. When I had to leave, the way you told me you loved me was far from genuine.
I texted you after that. And then we had our first fight. Well at least, you were yelling at me and all I did was subside. You kept telling me you hated how depressed I was, how you hated that I always came to you when my anxiety was acting up. How could you do that to me, Sayre?
You kept saying you wanted your life back. You told me 'What happened to the Ellie I fell in love with?'
I cried so much at that. Not fun.
And then, you lead me to believe we were fine. Lead me to believe that you loved me. But you didn't did you?
For weeks, you didn't speak to me. For weeks, you let me get sick with worry over you. I had borderline anorexia because I was scared something had happened. Why would you let me suffer for so long?
And then it happened. After weeks of nothing, you called my best friend 6 times, and 6 times she missed it. And told me. I freaked out, and texted you 'Talk to me baby, please.' You typed for ages. Your reply was simply 'No thanks.'
I asked what was wrong
And you broke up with me because of my mental health.
Apparently, you couldn't have a normal conversation with me without it being about my depression or anxiety or my eating disorder.
I thought it was all my fault. I tried so hard to fight you, and failed.
I was literally screaming that day. I scream-cried for three hours straight until my throat was burning and my eyes stinging. I still thought it was my fault.
Then you were talking s--- about me.
Being evil, calling me a b---- everytime you saw me.
I still thought it was my fault.
Then you stole my two best friends away from me and turned them on me.
I still believed it was all me.
The funny thing is, you expect me to simply 'get over' you. Expect me to go back to the way I was without you (which by the way was a s---storm) even though you were the only person I ever truly loved.
People kept telling me I could do better, that I deserve better, but I don't want better. I want you.
I miss you, I miss my tiger.
Correction, I miss us.
I miss the way things were.
Is it really my fault?
~ -
To the girl I hurt the most,
I've already apologised to you. And you got mad and told one of my closest friends not to speak to me. Not cool Tegen.
I understand how much I hurt you, but if it's between you and keeping myself healthy, I'm going to choose my own health.
I had severe anxiety attacks when I was with you because I wasn't ready for another relationship, especially not after what happened with Sayre, you know how much he hurt me.
You even told me you understood, told me I could always talk to you if I needed to and that you're glad I decided to end it until I got a bit better.
But then you go around behind my back telling people I was evil. People told me I was being evil and I was literally bullied because of you. people told me my mental disorders were fake and I was just attention seeking. Because of you.
I confronted you and you ignored me
I think you know what you did to me. How could you?
I'm sorry about how much I hurt you and I thoroughly apologised, even lied and told you I was wrong.
Why isn't that enough?
Why did you have to go and tell one of my closest friends not to speak to me ever again?
Ugh, I give up. I really do.
There is no point and arguing my point.
I hope you're happy. -
To the ones who support me,
Thank you. I can't say that enough. I really wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for you guys, whether it was simply letting me rant to you or just telling me you were there, it really helped. For the first time in weeks, I'm literally really happy. I can walk home with a grin on my face, I can even laugh properly without it feeling forced. I love all of you so much, thank you for simply being here. You know that if you ever need me, I'm always right here to listen and make you happy
~
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