Show me where my armour ends, show me where my skin begins
- Locked by Dark22978 on Dec 31, '17 10:07pmReason: Owner's request. Starting anew.
Thread Topic: Show me where my armour ends, show me where my skin begins
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im gonna call her L from this point forward bc she likes death note and i dont want to call her by her full name lmao
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OMG my town's law enforcement office posted a "hot cop" picture and i am s c r e a m i n g
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"I don't know how to tell the story without making one of us out to be the bad person. I hate her now, but that wasn't why we broke up. She's not a bad person, she really isn't."
Lowkey still upset that i almost cried but that conversation made me feel really strong. -
I guess I'd have to start from the beginning. It isn't fair for someone to hear just one side of it, though, because I know they'll empathize with whoever they're closer to.. And I don't want L to think I didn't f--- her and myself over. It's simply not true.
But there's a lot I'm not ready to talk about. I can talk about the s--- I said. About the mistakes I made. But I don't know how to talk about my guilt or my regret without making it sound like I'm still in love or missing her.
I don't know how to talk about how broken I feel some nights, or how our relationship was toxic from that first fight, right up to the end. I don't know how to explain my own f---ed up thoughts and emotions. Or how I'm hurt but mostly I'm hurt because I was the one who f---ed it all up.
I don't know how to say that I've grown. I don't know how to tell her about my last boyfriends, and how him kissing me made me feel like a liar. How "I'll always mean every word I said that night" should probably go on my gravestone. And how I know she doesn't remember those words.
Or about how Jasmine sounded like her. How she stuck with that horrible girl because when she was nice, it was everything, and when she was mean.. Jasmine kept holding out for when she wasn't. I don't know how to say any of it without making myself out to be the victim.
I want to tell her everything. Every bit and piece and I want to cry on her shoulder but.. As it stands, I don't know how. -
L and I have a /lot/ in common..
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. -
She reminds me so *much* of myself during my sophomore year. It was so rough for me.. I want to keep her from making the same mistakes I did. I want to protect her ig.
She's exactly my type. I like tougher guys. Tall and imposing, leather jackets and mood swings. Probably why I ended up with Ian, and why things didn't work out with A.
But girls.. I like softer girls. Those shy smiles. God, they kill me. Especially if they're just a bit shorter than me.. I was talking to Vic about it and she agreed that I do have a certain type. -
I think it would be good for us to talk all this anger out. To settle our differences and move on. But not with this much hate in me, not yet.
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Trying to find a name for Serai and Eden's father is difficult.
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you know, L is honestly?? The cutest person ever. She covers her mouth when she smiles and I just want to kiss her
is that bad, that I want to kiss her already?
I'm kinda mad at Parys bc she's trying to get me to sleep with Alex. I said no, and used L as my reason not to: I'm trying to get a steady girlfriend. So Parys asked if I was planning on sleeping with her (she said "are you gonna bang her," which REALLY pissed me off) and I was upset. Because she's a sophomore and also because I just don't look at her like that. And Parys was like, during your sophomore year.. especially that summer...
like why does she think i want to f--- this girl and leave her. that boy, that summer, i regret that so much. so. much. and just... I was never interested in alex, and i'm not going to have sex with him. i don't want to with anyone, not for a while. I made a mistake and the outcome of it really messed me up, so much that only ONE person knows everything that happened. And they, for some reason, still haven't told everyone else...
but anyways my point was, f--- parys. I actually like L. I want to give her a flannel and tell her she's pretty and touch her hair and hold her hand. that's all. -
like i told her i get hella jealous and she kinda laughed and said her too, but...
like she had stopped talking to me to help desi on her worksheet and I smiled when she turned back but internally I was like (side eyes) -
youngjae's laugh is my religion
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She's honestly
So sweet
"My friends are jealous bc you're the only thing I've talked about all day"
Come on, L. Just a week more. Just a week more. -
I think im gonna roll over and die
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My head is throbbing. I was gonna get s--- done today but I'm gonna wait because I feel miserable.
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L is honestly just.. uuu. I've been missing this.
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