~New Flame~
- Locked due to inactivity on Oct 26, '17 3:54am
Thread Topic: ~New Flame~
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Is it because I lied to you!?! If it is then I'm sorry! Ok? I'll admit it! Yes, I'm Magie. And I'm sorry for lying. But you don't know why I did it.
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I wanted to make an identity where I didn't have to worry about Autism, or standing out, or being a good person. I can't fit in because of my Autism. So that means I can either be a criminal, an undesirable, or an unbelievable miracle! All my life I knew this. So you can understand why out of the three I'd want to choose the miracle one. I need to be outstanding or I'm just an ugly freak or something.
I can't look at someones flaws because then they would have a reason to point out mine. I have to be good all the time because if you aren't gorgeous you have to have an outstanding personality. If I'm a liar or if I make an insulting joke everyone notices it. So I wanted to make an identity where I could pretend I was a person without Autism. I wanted to be able to do what I want without being hard on myself. Because in real life I can either be an outstanding miracle that changes the world or an ugly freak. I wanted a way that I didn't have to be either.
You may think I'm just being over dramatic or depressed. But I'm not. It's the truth. I have to be really smart. I have to be really kind. I have to stand out. Because I can't fit in. So I have to be perfect or I'm nothing. And it sucks being a teenage girl with Autism who has to be perfect!!! It sucks!!! It sucks to have to constantly train my brain. It sucks to have to keep anger or confusion inside.
Look at our society and our system. Look at all the normal people, all the lonely people, and all the important people. What I say is true. If someone can't fit in they have to be special. They have to stand out. Otherwise they will always be looked down on or pitied. If they're even noticed at all. -
I don't have to worry about hurting people on the internet. I can fit in on the internet. I can be myself and truly speak my mind. If I'm judged I can turn off the screen. That's why I'm so obsessed with GTQ. That's why I had let it interfere with my classes and my sleep. So I quit as Magie so I could get my life back on track. Then I tried to see how long I could be my dark side with a fake identity. But I had to slowly get there because I had to convince Charlie I wasn't me without lying first. Because I hate lying to people because of what I said above.
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And no ones even reading this.
It irritates me so much when no one gives a s--- about anything!!! This is also why I HATE the troublemakers in my school! They can break all the rules they want without any guilt! If I break ANY rules then everyone assumes I'm a bomb about to blow up because of my stupid Autism!!! Some days I wish I didn't have Autism!!! Some days I wish I had my dad's jeans not my mom's so I would be skinny. Everyone sees me as a child or a tattle tale because I hate misbehaving and I get everyone in trouble when they do it. But when I do misbehave everyone thinks I'm about to have a melt down!!! For crying out loud I'm a person not a bomb! But no one gives a s---!
I hope people understand Why I try to be so smart, passionate, kind, honest, positive, crazy, and strict. Because I HAVE to be! Or I would just be seen as an ugly hypocrite bomb! And now the only place where I don't have to act like that probably sees me as an over dramatic troll. If they are even reading this at all... Whatever... No one gives a s--- about this stuff... I'm sorry... This is surprisingly the first time I've actually said this... Cause if I tell anyone in real life this then they won't take me seriously. Or they're think I'm dangerous. Or they'll think I'm just trying to get attention.... But I guess you all think that too... -
The way you type. The type of roleplaysa you make. It was so clear that you were Magie. Only Magie writes thank you like this::Thankyou!
I guess...
Magie thought memhowe to write lol as LOL
and thats how I figured out you were Magie. I'm sorry. You didn't have to say all that. Now I feel bad. Ugh. I apologize. When my sister keeps saying I'm a devil. I only take that as a joke. Now, I truly see the devil in me. -
I didn't mean you were a devil Charlie. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have lied to you.
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It's my fault. I exposed you, remember?
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Yeah... But at least I didn't have to keep in my true reasoning anymore. I want for us to be friends Charly. It annoys me sometimes when you don't show much care for others. But you're still a nice person and because you have no fear of showing your dark side I feel more comfortable showing mine. Of course, you're younger than me so I have to manage it a little. But still.
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I show care for people okay? But I just don't know how to like, show it. Deep down, I know I want to. But something stops me. But sometimes I show my concern for others. Sometimes.
I lack the ability of expressing emotions. And my family hasn't yet figured out my disorder xD
I still want to be friends with you, so badly, Magie. I won't say the other part but please. -
Calm down! You are an excellent friend!
^Repeat this sentence out loud ten times!!!^
*Hugs*
*Shakes you dramatically* -
You are a great friend magie!! And anyone would be damn lucky to have a friend like you!!!
*says this out loud ten times* -
LOL. Unfortunately my best friend offline is my Little Brother XD
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My big sister is my best friend too!
I torment her a lot tho xD
But still...
Scar and Addie and Precious are on the list too! -
Yeah... You have like a gang of friends who get you. That's one of my desires... To have a group of friends I always count them. Friends I'm so close with they're like my sisters. Friends I can stalk their crushes for, plain revenge on our enemies, etc. That would be awesome!!! Unfortunately I don't get to have that...
You're that kind of friend. But unfortunately you live in another country and we can't ever know for sure if the other is even real because this is the internet. Though I'm pretty sure you're real, there are some pretty good actors out there. -
Is it because of your autism?
Yes, there's like a huge barrier in front of us! Ugh! Thank goodness I got to know you!! Thanks to the internet as well! I don't see you as someone with autism tho. And thanks!
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