✨â🌙💫👑
- Locked by Br0wnieBunny on Sep 8, '16 8:45pmReason: drew wanted me to lock this thread. she told me to say "brownie oppress me and i gave up my dignity to the modz for asking this 2 b lock. pls dont hate me le1f. dark and the mods suk" don't get mad at me that what SHE said not me. dark u dont suk ily
Thread Topic: ✨â🌙💫👑
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Yes.
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I'm here. I know I'm not your first pick. (Or any pick) but I'm here
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I actually get to rant to someone?
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Yes ^-^ I will listen the whole way through.
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Everything is actually way too deluded and puzzling to explain in a clear way, so I will try and vent my frustrations in the best of my ability.
I feel like I cling to people way too easily, like I have some mild separation problems. I expect the other person to participate in the 50/50, but when they give me less and start detaching away from me, I get aggravated. No wonder nobody wants to create a friendship with me, because I give off some needy, desparate vibe like an embarrassing introverted mess. Even though most of them flick me off and it constantly breaks me apart, I keep wanting to go back even though they could really care much fking less. I don't know, it's like a pulse to just go back to them and repeat the same process, even though it infinitely keeps demolishing my mood.
The friends I thought I could keep talking to are just throwing their own canoes into the body of water and are slowly drifting away from the connection and friendship we formerly had. One wanted to cut ties with me because of my repulsive ability to be openly opinionated, and they never want me to message them again. And it slightly disturbs me that I really didn't feel much of a shed of emotion when they dropped me. We were from two different age groups, there was no possible way for us to connect like we used to. It's like the compassionate side of them died off and they were replaced with a robotic egocentric with a flare of attitude. Just me I guess, there's no other way to describe their surprising transformation.
My creativity also melted drastically, and that soon affected my actual enjoyment of creating "art". I created some wall where I accepted that other people's art are really good, but I could also get a chance to improve and become better myself. I focused on my drawings and that's all.
But look-
I didn't, I'm still stuck in a whirlpool of my amateurish "artistic" habits and tendencies. And whenever someone does better, I auomatically get a ping of jealously and I honestly want to quit.
Some people on this site have now started making me feel envious, because they are just the entity of divine perfection. They overall are just a genuine and pleasant person, which is what I thrive to be but still stuck in the boat of fire that is quickly deteriorating but yet I stay on board because I think it's worth, even though I could possibly harm myself. -
^How to successfully scare someone off.
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No, no, no. My phone died.
I understand the problem completely. Before I get all wise and knowledgeable, I want you to know that I always envied you. I wanted to get to know you as soon as possible to try to squeeze in. You're like a V.I.P concert. Only certain lucky people get to know. You always seemed to make me chuckle. I wanted to be one of the people you liked.
I think that is part of the problem. Everyone seems to like you so much, you get used to the connections of this place. You have an endless supply of people who want to make you happy. Though, you may not be fully aware, you do it without thinking. You connect, you feel a bond, then they leave as you find new people to recruit. Is it possible you're the one pulling away? You have time to talk and laugh, but then you pull away. That's why you dont feel anything, you want them to stay because they are your friends, but you reach out to others as well. You are being torn unfairly. Your old friends, your new friends, irl friends, school, and your drawing career.
My suggestion is, open up to your friends. Tell them exactly what you told me. If that doesn't work, I'll be here to talk whenever. (Though, they may be doing this unintentionally, as in they are also being torn.) -
Oh, and call me what you like, just not Spiders, please ;-;
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Sorry, had to read your interesting response.
You're totally right. I've never looked at it in a completely different perspective. That maybe I'm the one to blame. But that doesn't make any sense. Why out of all people on this site would you envy me?
1) 80% of the time I always would want to joke and never actually build social relationships unless I find the person worthy of it, which there's very few that apply to my picky expectations.
2) I'm not that likable. Half, maybe all of the trolls and spammers on this site really despise me. A selective amount of users that I can find that don't really like me, which is totally fine, we all have preferences.
But you shouldn't inflate my ego like that. Not that likable.
3) The reason why I have separation issues is because I don't get the supply of happiness that people "apparently want" to give me because they're off dilly dallying and again I feel super detached from them. I feel like such a control freak when it simply comes to the topic of human relationships, and I hate it. -
IWANTTOBETHEVERYBEST
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19. Champion
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I'm so borrreeeddddd.
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I think those friends just don't want to attach to anyone. Like I said before you are realer than most on this site. Most of the users on GTQ are fake. We often just put on a happy face and when someone gets close to breaking our act, we tend to detach. I have seen that people are like that. Not only that, but your friends change. Just like in real life. Most of the friends you once had are picking up new habits, just like you are. Some friends you just won't connect with anymore. You often put on a hard skin, but it is easy to know how you feel. You aren't weak but your soft nature will let many use you. You don't realize that you care a lot but you actually do; so when those old friends start to detach you feel like you aren't good enough. I think the problem here is letting go. Sometimes it's best to let go of people who do not appreciate you. You actually are someone many people want to know. Yes, you have many down days. But behind that, is a soft person. It's the soft side of you that's getting hurt. I think you just need to learn how to mix both sides of you. You don't have to be mean or extra soft. In fact, just be yourself, don't be scared to worry. Nothing is wrong with that. The only problem would be letting all this bring you down. Many people have looked up to you, thinking you are perfect. However no one is. Including those people who you say are perfect. Your art has so much time to grow. It's only natural to be jealous, but that should not stop you from drawing. You need to try again and again. Even if you think the art sucks. Don't let yourself take away what you truly love.
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I know.. But, letting go is so hard. Even though you know they will continue to hurt you, you just want to stay by just for the fun of it.
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Yeah, but it's only effecting you in a horrible way. How long will you allow yourself to feel bad?
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