Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
- Locked due to inactivity on Mar 6, '17 3:54am
Thread Topic: Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
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supposed to get my hair cut today
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well
monday i guess -
if the police show up, I want the apartment to be clean at least
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I'm conflicted.
On one hand, a lot of bad things happened this year.
I had to go through even more bad things with my mom, we had to move quite a few times, I got scarily close to ending my own life, I went to a mental hospital, my grandfather died, I ended a year long relationship, and so many other things.
On the other hand, many good things also occurred.
I got through my addiction, I saved myself from killing myself, I was able to get out of my mom's house, I got help for my depression, I made better friends, I ended a destabilizing relationship, and several other events that improved my life.
I can't say it's good or bad. However, on the optimistic side, I can now say that it has been an entire f---ing year since I've gotten high. I can also say that I feel f---ing real again and not lost in some relationship in which I lost some of myself. I feel like a better person than a year ago.
But as always, I'm still the exact f---ing same, aren't I? I feel different, but everyone else only tells me that I haven't changed at all.
But it doesn't matter. My grades should be as good of an indication as anything that I have changed and improved. That's all I need. I'm going to have a f---ing A in Biology by the end of the year if it's the last f---in' thing I do. Ms. Wilson, it's on.
Oh yeah and Happy New Year you f---heads -
i need to cling to someone rn to distract and comfort me
-clings to self-
there there, me
just be cold and detached and pretend you don't care he's leaving because he already thinks you don't :') -
I remember over the summer when I would go to my dad's girlfriend's house every morning and sit in one of the tall kitchen chairs while everyone was still asleep and I'd watch this weird kiddie anime while eating cereal
I have fond memories of those mornings
Nice mornings
Happy
I was happy
I don't have very many happy memories, but those were happy
And those times at my old school with my old friends
Taking selfies with them and messing around during class
I was so sad back then and so messed up, but I had happy moments with them
I wouldn't go back because of all the other issues, but I miss small things like that.
I have almost-happy memories of staying up way too late watching YouTube and eating junk, but those aren't exactly happy
Happy memories of that little girl at the mental health facility
And how we all started dabbing as a running joke
How we hugged ourselves as a gesture to demonstrate hugging each other
But those memories aren't exactly very happy, either
Happy memories of getting ice cream with my aunt
Happy memories of my gramma, of spending time with her, of playing at her house
I think those are all of my happiest memories right there. There are others that are more peaceful than happy, and some that are happy but not exactly the same kind of happy.
Of course, my first thought is that I want to make more happy memories, right? Idk how to. Idk if I really want to be alive tbh -
Wow I was delirious
And
I had a weird dream that a certain person kissed me
I can NOT tell him
1. That's gay
2. He'll get the wrong idea
Is it the wrong idea?? Ah
f---
That was just a weird, weird dream -
slacking
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The living room is trashed because my dad and sister are lazy as f--- and just sit around watching movies all the time
But at least my room is f---in spotless -
You know the last couple of weeks have been pretty great health-wise
I'm starting to feel like I can function again and be normal again
I guess that relationship really wasn't very good for me
That was the center of my life
And I'm soooo f---in glad it's not anymore
Because now I don't feel like such an outcast in the world
So separated -
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ALRIGHT b----ES STEP THE f--- UP
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my dad hates my haircut but I'm happy
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sometimes i wonder if ill ever stop being suicidal
doubtful -
my haircut is lit
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