I have something to say.
- Locked due to inactivity on Sep 5, '16 3:54am
Thread Topic: I have something to say.
-
First thing first, I'll like to apologize to anyone who I've lashed out at or insulted the last three months. I'm not who I am anymore. I've gotten worse the past months and I am sure at least some of you noticed this drastic change in my behavior. I've become cold, careless, rude, and quick to anger or upset. I feel like I might be suffering from something and not even be aware of it. Unfortunately, I can't get a therapist. My parents will surely not get me one if I bring it up. I slick wish I could go to school only to talk to my former counselor. In fact, as I am typing this, I think I might be secretly upset that my years in school are over. When I think about it, I started getting worse after graduation. Hell, I actually cried on graduation day because I was practically told that I was inferior to someone who I will not name. I felt like the diploma I have in my diploma cover is worthless and meaningless. That it's just a piece of paper.
I've been getting the feeling of worthlessness ever since, and that triggered my continuous depression that I still go through even now. One moment I'm happy, then it's immediately swept away by just words that people say to me. I get it almost everyday, and I honestly thought I would fall numb to these comments sooner or later, but I was wrong. It kicks me down everytime.
I procrastinated throughout my years of highschool. I actually gave up and didn't try hard in eighth grade, maybe late seventh grade. I didn't do anything productive. I didn't do anything that could help me after highschool. I didn't search for colleges at all. I didn't apply. Now it's hitting me hard as ever and I regret everything. I regret giving up. I had the potential to finish with a high GPA, but that crashed as soon as I gave up. Everyone has the potential to succeed and surpass their goals. I knew that, but I didn't put up the effort. I actually envy everyone here who take their education seriously. I'm actually happy some of you do. Lowkey think you guys are going to have a higher GPA than me.
I try not to be selfish. I want to help people who also falls victim to depression. But I find it hard for me to do so. I can't help myself at all, so how can I think I can help others? Shouldn't I be happy as well? Do I need to be happy to help others? I struggle to show that I care a lot. Sometimes I just don't care at all. Me actually showing affection is rare now. I feel like I'm going to end up being that girl who doesn't cry when their loved ones passed away, and I'm scared that'll happen.
I don't show much tolerance anymore.. I wish I could tolerate a lot of things. And people. Most definitely people. I struggle. I struggle so much, and I don't get much support from anyone in real life. Another thing that's been emotionally and physically draining me is my health. I'm not healthy at all. Not even close. My terrible health is actually making me depressed too. It hurts.
I got upset when someone on here that I look up to didn't show any interest in me. I immediately thought to myself: wow, I must really be a terrible person for them to be like this. I could be overreacting or assuming. I don't want anyone thinking I'm a bad person to be around with. I get careless sometimes. Nowadays, most people are usually dropping a "kys" here and there (especially on YouTube, it's ridiculous) and it's sad. I actually get mad at this kind of behavior. I hate when someone make fun of another. I hate arguing, and I hate seeing them. I just don't like this type of negative vibes around me, and I get annoyed with it. I lash out. Bullying, cyberbulling, toying, whatever you want go call it, that's the Internet now. No changing it. Does that mean we have to be like them? No. So, in other words seeing people go at each other's throats annoys me. It makes me feel some type of way. Especially people who most certainly not act like that.
I know this was long, some of you are probably like: TL;DR
Well, if you're not in the mood to read, then here's the short version: I am sorry.
If I act up in the future, possibility is that I'm still suffering. This is not an excuse, I know. I'm just saying and giving a huge heads up. Time to step inside my trash can now. -
It doesn't matter who you are or what you do. It doesn't matter where you come from or what you were taught. All of us are the same, and at the same time, those who feel like they are too hard on themselves must find a solution to making it better.
-
So what if you cry over something that means alot to you? That's life. Everything that gets given to us, we must treasure it for the rest of our lives. Don't like it? That's life.
-
I don't understand what you're trying to say. I feel as if you are talking about something completely different.
-
I know I'm not around much, or that I stay in my own space most of the time, but if you need someone, I'll try my best to be here for you. Or on kik because that's much more private. If you ever need advice, help, or even a distraction, I'll do my best. I know I'm a s---ty person to be around to a lot of people, but I want to do more for my friends because they all matter to me. I also think that you wanting to help others will help you, too, and if that's what you want to do, go for it.
-
Look, the point is that you're not a bad person.
-
I really appreciate you being there for me, Mo. I really do. Thank you. You're not a s---ty person. You care and you try. That's more than enough. You honestly make me feel better. You make me happy. I want to help you and others, but I find it hard to comfort someone.
Thank you, DarknessAndLight. -
Don't mention it, but I have to go now. I'll catch you later to see how you're doing.
-
Alrighty, later.
-
Bye.
-
I'm glad I can be of help to you, and I'll continue to try. ^-^
It can be very difficult to comfort others, so the only thing I can say is to just keep listening. A lot of people like to vent and listening to them can help them. You and quite a few others have managed through my ranting before, and I appreciate it a lot. Even if you don't have all the words to comfort someone, just being there can be a great help. I believe you'll be able to help others in time, and in your own ways.
And if you have questions about college and stuff, please, don't be shy to ask me. I'll offer whatever I can. -
I can't thank you enough, Senpai. ;~;
-
No thanks necessary. It's just what I need to do. I need to stop fighting. I need to try relaxing. And I need to express my care for my wonderful friends more often. ;u;
-
Finally stopped worrying about my homework assignment, I couldn't leave you hanging.
I know this wasn't meant strictly towards any one person, but I do accept your apology. This past year or two have been really hard on a lot of us, and I don't blame you for any of it. While I hated some of the things that were said, I know that it had to be said, and we ended up becoming friends over that very thing anyway. I'd prefer to have you now as you are than to not have you at all. I, too, am here for you. I'm gone a lot, yes, and I might be spacey, but I'd love to help wherever I can. You do mean a lot to me, and I'm so glad we're talking again. I missed you. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, alright?
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
