Land of Stars and Echoes
Thread Topic: Land of Stars and Echoes
-
So let's pretend it's over now,
as if that even means a thing.
I find myself tired somehow,
but I'll bet I couldn't dream.
It really doesn't bother me-
I'll face this if I must.
Not to drag this battle on,
but not to give it up.
Sever our ties to make me weak,
poison my drink to stop my voice.
Tie me up and leave me be
and I'll suffocate in the noise.
The one I loved, my enemy.
My friends are all long gone.
It's not pity that I'm asking for
but a conclusion to the song.
So scar me please, deep red stains,
and I promise not to forget.
You don't ever have to cry for me
because you know I asked for it.
Am I hurting your feelings?
Are you weeping anyway?
I know I told you about my dreams,
about the mercy in that blade.
I always stood so still,
I was willing to play the weapon.
I was kind when you threw me aside
and left me, without question.
And then your conscious faded in
and you wanted me again.
And I returned to you without a word,
without a shred of self-respect.
I'm the war you cried about
and yet you instigate.
I'm only just a single soul
and you batter me with hate.
My breath, weak and shallow,
gives your name just one last taste.
Now run again so I can sleep
and leave me to my fate. -
I wrote that years ago about a person I called my friend who always found things to be angry with me for
like the one time they decided they were mad at me for going by Maru
and they told me I had lied to everyone
despite the fact that I had told everyone that I hated my legal name and preferred to be called Maru
and they started with insulting me to my face and I laughed it off nervously and made little jokes and tried to get them to play with me and they refused and then they ignored me until they couldn't milk it anymore and finally accepted my apologies
and every time I think about that
it makes me wish I had destroyed them
because they weren't f---ing worth it
and I gave them the false impression that they were a person worth fighting for
even though they contributed nothing to my life
I get mad sometimes because I realize that I've made a lot of "friends" like that
ones that don't do s--- to make it worth my while to deal with them but throw tantrums and expect me to crawl back like they're something I'm afraid to lose -
like
honey
no
get on your knees if you think you're coming back
I'm never gonna be the one begging again -
that sounds bad but when you've been f---ed over by as many people as I have you kind of stop caring
and it's a good thing in my opinion because when you care people take advantage
it becomes a game to see how much stupidity you'll take before you snap
and the only way to win is to jam the pieces down their throat and let them choke -
And maybe they didnt know,
but you know they didnt care
who may or may not have been there
for you when you were lost and scared
inside of your own head
wondering if this is what it meant
to be alive and now youre stumbling
just trying to prevent
the white noise from choking you
and you may very well pretend
to forget, but in the end
the thoughts are in your head again
and its not real,
it cant be;
if it were you would have died
so lost and so surprised
because this couldnt be your life
you were nave as a child,
you had innocence and happiness
and you were taking every day
as if each one was a new best
you were faithful and content
and you could see the good in them
you got over all these obstacles
when you fell you got up again
at what point did you decide
that it wasnt worth the time
or the effort to revive
after another failed attempt
at what age did you forget
what little meaning you had left
and when did you stop feeling
like you had a chance to win
at what time did you stop getting up
and start praying for an end
why are you still on the floor
is this water or pavement
there was definitely a breaking
and a shattering of bones
but now your lungs are filling up
and your throat is raw and closed
and youre losing every semblance
to the child you used to be
you wanted to feel weightless
but youre floating out to sea
and you know this isnt free
because youre still trapped on the ground
you want someone to save you
but you also want to drown
and forget the world around you
leave it behind without a sound
Youve got no inspiration here,
no room to grow or change.
A shell of a human being.
Youre a fake
youre a fake
youre a fake -
-
"Society has brought me down."
you tell the world, tell your friends, tell yourself.
I don't think you know what you're talking about anymore.
I think you're still caught up in your past,
back when you were always being oppressed.
Back when someone was always out to get you.
Back when you were happy to showcase your scars and bruises
and your broken bottles
for the sake of expressing "individuality".
Sure, of course you were depressed.
Well, what do you expect?
You victimized yourself.
You had an intimate bond with pain
long before you were old enough to understand it,
spent long nights in its bed
drinking the water it brought for you.
You laid back in the depths of your mind
and surrendered yourself to sad thoughts
in hopes of finding something solid amid the sinking.
Your dreams were all in greyscale,
a terrific monument in honor of your great escape.
You thrived on self-pity,
and when you realized others would hand you their hearts
you used that too,
and you overdosed on it,
You shot falsehoods into your veins
and told yourself you were never beautiful
to bring tears to your eyes
because crying made you feel alive again,
feel okay,
feel like you had an identity.
You are your sadness.
You are your grievances and your anger
and your careless nature.
You are your daddy issues
and your lack of ground to stand
and your own mentality,
and it's all there's ever been.
No wonder you spent years drowning yourself
in memory of everything that hurts.
You've got bullet lists on your wrists
of every time you thought you'd cut yourself
just to see if anyone would look.
But everything has changed.
Can't you be real now?
You have.
You are.
You've done childish things,
acted on thoughts you made yourself have
and you've made lasting impressions
on people who will never love you again.
But you are not the things you've done.
You're different,
not from everyone else,
but from yourself.
You are separate from what you were.
You shed that skin and you wonder
why you ever wanted to be that in the first place.
Pathetic little girl,
growing strong from the basis of your nightmares,
you are not who you once were,
and one day,
even I will seem to you like
a hypocrite and a liar.
Dark little thing,
hide in your corner
and wallow in your own self-hatred for now,
but know that you're still new.
Your skin is cracking
and you're just so afraid,
but it's going to be okay,
it's going to get better.
You can't live forever
breathing bitterness instead of oxygen.
You can't carry on for the rest of your life
just trying to be different.
Your time is worth much more. -
it's a shame so many people are dicks to my friends
-
my eye is still pretty f---ed up
Emna seems to be worried but I'm pretty sure it'll be fine
at the most I'm just inconvenient for Walmart and I can live with that -
lol I'm gonna trivialize this until I go blind aren't I
like how I can tell I'm becoming hard of hearing but I can't be bothered to turn my music down ever -
hot diggity damn I like this profile picture
-
yes
gooooooooooooood
*does the finger triangle of diabolical plotting* -
what is this taste that I am tasting
-
jesus it tastes like those chest of drawers I used to gnaw on the corner of
-
why did I do that?
couldn't tell you.
but now the taste of chest of drawers is ingrained in my mind and that is precisely what I am tasting right now
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