Land of Stars and Echoes
Thread Topic: Land of Stars and Echoes
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my stomach hurts
it feels like my insides are twisting up
how can I be okay
how can I justify being happy after doing this to him? -
I know
I know
I know
I know -
I knoW I don't owe it to anyone to sacrifice my own comfort
but I really
REALLY
f---ing wish I could have just figured it out before -
I'm gonna throw up
I'm so worried
he's not answering
his mother isn't even receiving my messages
who else can I ask? -
I'm saying all the wrong things I'm so desperate for him to just respond and tell me he'll be okay and it's not going to happen
this was so sudden too
oh my god I'm the worst person -
how am I supposed to do this?
I could turn on some cartoons and eat
because eating solves everything apparently
and I guess I'd stop thinking about this for a while
but it'll just cannibalize me the moment I try to close my eyes and go to sleep anyway -
I need to stop. I can't.
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I have to stop. This isn't fair.
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Somehow I'm gonna have to convince myself that what I did was okay. I have to believe this. I know it's true, but I just couldn't say it with a straight face. It doesn't feel right.
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But he'll move on, eventually. And hopefully he'll let me continue to be there for him even when he does, because he really is just one of the best people I've ever gotten to know.
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And maybe I can make myself feel okay if I convince myself that that's true.
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He's gonna be okay. I'm not forsaking him. I'm not leaving him alone. I'm not insulting him. I want to build him up. I'll be his best friend if I can. I'll support him through his next relationship, and any others after that. He'll be okay. He'll have to.
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He can take his time now. He's going to be sad. We've put a lot of time into this. We've made plans. Who says those plans can't still come to fruition? Just because we're not together in that way doesn't mean he and I can't adventure together. We can still be friends. I just need him to let me stay. I need him to recover.
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I actually have calmed down significantly like this.
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Okay. He will recover. He's strong. I'm not going to entertain the possibility that he may have done anything to himself. He's afraid of dying. He wouldn't have done anything. He'll be back in his own time. We'll talk about this. It's going to be alright.
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