My Official Thread.~
- Locked by Dark22978 on Jan 21, '17 10:54pmReason: owner's request
Thread Topic: My Official Thread.~
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school's out, yes
but i wanted to check my grades
and they're really good
i only just have two Cs
one could have been a regular B though
but meh
at least I passed -
fresh water
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feet is hurtinnggg -
can't wait to get there~
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feet hurting
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having those night thoughts again
while vigorously and nervously munching on some leftover fries
(elch, too greasy and not really that much of a fan of fries anymore but)
i just realized
who would ever date me?
like seriously
it's so stupid, i know
i sound like a whiny teenage person
but
it's actually just a curious question
because
really? who could ever be interested in me?
i honestly just don't even know
tbh i feel like i'm just going to stay single my whole life
because yet
i can't even find anyone that could keep at my speed and interest me
and the same thing applies to everybody else since not much people even want to talk to me, get to know me
i know it isn't much of a priority, but it feels like it because my whole atmosphere is just filled with references to dating and all that stupid s---
i was fine being single
independent
or whatever the hell they call it now
but now
the more i get older
the more i feel like it's wrapping tight around my neck
i feel like i am getting pressured to be in a relationship
but right now, i feel like such a dysfunctional mess that i can barely give a concern for someone else -
i feel like i am slowly decaying
like my true personality is getting whisked away
and i am forever stuck with the face i superglued on
like
i can't even dig through myself and find the energetic, eccentric, impulsive or whatever persona
i just really feel
depressed -
like i can't find myself anymore
i don't even know the real me, tbh
it's all shattered glass
with one piece that i have to find but it's so cluttered that it's going to take a while to dig through and discover it
i feel like my personality and individuality is being taken away from me
like seriously
my family is kind of a contribution to it
because they force me to wear or do whatever they think is right for me but i feel so uncomfortable in my clothes now
i just want to rip it all off and change into a comfy shirt, jeans, and just simple shoes and a beanie or something
i hate this
she always wants me to dress in these ugly s--- that just iSN'T ME AT ALL and gets really aggravated at me whenever I don't like it
for example
shopping for dresses for that graduation party and the funeral that i will be going to tomorrow
we went to the mall, and i had a feeling that my mom would just be a judgemental pain in the ass while we shop for stuff that fits our style
me and my sister have different styles, trust me
and just every store we went into, she kept shoving all these clothes in front me and said "it'll look so cute, you should get it" and i simply say, "no thank you, heh"
minute later
i grab something that i would totally be fine with
and she gives the most condescending face ever at what i chose
and says to put it back and keeps grabbing things that are just so frilly and would destroy every itty bit of dignity i have if i wear it
and i f---ing tell her to stop doing that because every time we go shopping she starts doing it and she needs to let us shop for whatever that makes us feel satisfied and comfortable
yeah, it's her money, but f--- no
it makes me not want to shop anymore
it makes not feel good in my clothes anymore
god -
fancy Newbiehhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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it was stupid of me to like them
to think that they could actually put it in consideration
but what was i thinking?
hah
yeah
i wasn't thinking at all!
i was just some incompetent, needy fool that fell in the web's trap
and i just want to string myself away from the recluse
they didn't even remember that i still did have feelings for them
but you know what?
i thought it over
and i really don't
it was like i didn't run those words through a filter before creating sentences and text into the message box and sending it
i decided
i think i am just done with it
i just actually find them as a simple friend
and that's all it will ever, ever be
even if it isn't in my univeral control -
done ranting~
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nomnomnomnom
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