The Destruction of Everything
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:34pm
Thread Topic: The Destruction of Everything
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I don't know if I preferred when she denied all of this over now that she's acknowledging it and trying to understand. It feels wrong. I'm f---ing awful.
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I feel like I've been given valid advice on how to feel better in the past but have made no attempts to follow through. I've told people I'm hopeless and that I don't believe I could do those things, and a lot of the time, I think I'm telling the truth. But beneath that, I think I've just internalized this emptiness so deeply that it's all I have anymore. My sickness has become my identity. I think I'm clinging to it and refusing to make the effort to save myself because I don't know who I'd be without it anymore.
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And still the worst part is not knowing how much of it is real. This is a mess.
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I thought earlier that I may try talking to these f---ers again, but I don't think so anymore. I can't keep up with these mixed signals, either.
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"okay but just sayin i am a real person and i do care because this looks like s--- so if you ever actually want someone to care instead of just wanting to tell everyone that cares how much you need someone that cares just call my name three times softly into the distance and ill be here like a goddamn poltergeist hangin the f--- over every word you say "
drug
why you so indecisive -
I can read over old fights and still get worked up over them. -
I don't know what's happening between you and me. If it still matters at all, I miss you. And when I finally know what to say to you, maybe I'll find the energy to message you and tell you so. I hope your life is going alright right now.
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What am I doing with any of you? I'm antagonizing you all. I don't give a s--- about most of these kids, but I didn't mean to do this to you guys. I miss you all. Not just her.
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And you once said, "I wish you dead, you sinner."
I'll never be more than a wolf at your door for dinner.
And if I see you around like a ghost in my town, you liar,
I'll leave with your head, oh, I'll leave you for dead, sire. -
Okay, but seriously, f--- indirects. I really hope you guys see this.
Darkness, I don't know what happened. We used to have communication issues, but we haven't talked in what feels like months. I love you. I miss you. I worry. I've been feeling so s---ty for such a long time now. I'm so sorry that I never initiate conversation, but please don't forget that I care about you. If you need me, you know how to find me. Please. I'm always waiting for you.
Heph, I haven't told you for a while, but I really do love you. Our conversations seem so brief and shallow anymore. Some time when I'm feeling better, let's Skype or talk on the phone again soon.
Sylvia, we've never talked much, but you've always humored and supported me. Thank you. I really appreciate you.
Seth, I don't talk to anyone anymore, as you can see. It's not that I've forgotten about you or don't care. You can talk to me any time you need.
Si. We still talk pretty much all the time? I've been ducking out of more of our conversations, though. I'm sorry. I think I tell you how important you are to me more often than you're comfortable with, though, so I'm not going to say it again. Unless you want me to. Always happy to rant about how great you are and how I don't deserve a moirail like you. -
Alright. I'm really glad to have at least put that out there. I'm gonna go make dinner.
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No, wait. f---. I knew I forgot someone.
Sorry. Pumpkin. I don't even know if you're here too often anymore. To be honest, I've been absolutely avoiding everyone. I still have the pictures you drew for me. You've always been great. I don't know when we last talked, either. This is probably why I have so few friends. I still love you, too. Just a reminder, in case it still matters. -
I'm so tired
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I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
I can choose my friends,
and I can choose my family.
If they won't accept me,
then others will have me.
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