The Storm
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: The Storm
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ahhhhhhh
I know I'm stupid and something's going to go wrong but for now
just
f---
she's so sweet
motherf---er I wasn't prepared for this
I'm so happy -
moans loudly while rolling around on floor
leaves on a happy note for once -
[Whoa whoa wait you gonna share?]
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what
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[What's made you so happy?
Don't leave.] -
I don't want to stick around too long. I want to be alive for a while tonight. I'm so happy my fingers are twitching and I can't think of the right words to explain how it's making me feel. My matesprit was saying earlier that she couldn't come over because she needed to clean her house, so I was all like, motherf---, yeah, I'll help you out there and I walked a couple hours which realistically wasted a lot of the time I wish I could have spent actually there with her, but it was hells of worth it, but by the time I got there, she'd already finished her work so we were just kind of hanging around her house and we played some video games and she kissed my hand and we snuggled and watched her Markiplier videos and ate Nutty Bars and folded some towels and she got on the floor and started pushing herself around in a circle with her feet because she's a f---ing nerd and she's got a weiner dog that kept trying to touch me with its nose and I'm gonna f---ing meeeeeelllltttt
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also she does this Dirk Strider voice that makes me mind really fuzzy idk what the f--- that is but it's apparently important
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*my mind
f---
we're not doing that -
[That's fine, it's just rare that you show excitement like this so I wondered what was so great.
I'm happy for you. Go have fun~] -
Right, well sorry about that anyway. I'm done now.
I don't have anything else to be doing right now. I'm at home now. I can stay a while longer if there's anything you wanted to talk about. -
[No, it's fine.
I'm going now anyway. I have work tomorrow, and all.
Goodnight, Marucho.] -
Alright. Goodnight. I love you.
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I need words that wouldn't give old ladies heart attacks to talk about how I feel
wait what am I saying no I don't
these are perfectly good words -
sighs contently
take two
leaving on a happy note for the first time -
It's going to be even easier now. I don't have to talk to anyone. No one can make me. There won't be any awkwardly avoiding eye contact with an entire table of people in passing hoping that none of them will smile at me or say hello or try to stop me and ask why they haven't seen me for a couple weeks. There won't be any taking the long way around to cut out the common grounds altogether so I don't have to talk to people. I can recluse so easily here. No one can stop me. I don't have to answer my phone or Kik or emails or Facebook messages or anything.
I almost began to think maybe I should establish a network that won't allow me to do this to myself to prevent it from happening, but s---. I don't want that obligation. I don't want to talk to anyone. I feel terrible. I feel sore and lonely and I kind of feel like when I wake up in the morning, there's going to be nothing left in my chest and I'm going to feel it imploding and falling in on itself like a rotten pumpkin.
And I can say all of this, and mean every word, and I can feel as alone and terrified as I do, but no one will f---ing care. I don't know what to do. Maybe I'm just feeling this way because I'm tired and in pain and because I've never seen someone so desperately sad in my life until tonight. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll be okay again.
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