The Storm
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: The Storm
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It's so weird how she's just not here anymore. How is that even a thing? Dying is so weird. I used to know her and now I don't. I'll never see her again. That's really hard to think about.
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Oh, look. I found The Calm. I'll probably use it sometimes, too.
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If you're still here, Si, goodnight. I love you.
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Goodnight. I love you, too.
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people who are dicks to people in the service industry have no place in the world
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continue not being in here
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I'm really looking forward to not attending any classes tomorrow, but I also don't want anyone trying to talk to me. I'm really worried they're gonna find me and insist we walk around or play games together and I'm gonna be so mean I just don't want to deal with it s---
the worst part is knowing I'm trapped in this
I can't get out of any of this
she won't listen
she never f---ing listens
this is terrible for my health I just know it -
I still wonder sometimes if all of this is fake. I don't have the will to change, and I wonder if it's because my mental state is so bad I'm just lacking the energy for it, or if I feel that my identity is so deeply rooted in my psychological damage that I don't want to get rid of it for fear of being left with nothing to set me apart from anyone else. I really don't want to believe it's the second one. I really want to believe I'd fix this if I knew how. I don't want to believe I'm that pathetic, but I kind of do anyway.
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Maybe the sadness, but I really don't know how I can stop feeling this way about people. I know I've tried to change that. I know I've put forth the effort on that front. It just hurts so badly. I get so f---ing scared and it hurts my insides and I can't deal with that. I wonder if this is actually a really common thing and other people are just stronger than me and want friends more than I do so they soldier through.
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sighs dramatically
I'm just rambling at myself again. This is so stupid. -
I think I'll probably throw up tomorrow. Best case scenario is probably me hiding somewhere and crying. I'll have a lovely headache for the rest of the day. It'll be fun.
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I'm so sorry I'm like this. I know what it looks like and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry like this, too.
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f---
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I offered to do something for someone out of pity and I'm really happy to help them especially because I understand how they must feel but now I'm feeling stressed out about getting it done quickly and making sure everything is the best possibly quality for them and it's not helpful to me at all
I need to stop being such a stupid impulsive f--- -
alright let's be real yo I would have done this even if I'd known how it would make me feel that guy's gonna be so happy when he gets it it's gonna be worth it
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