My OFFICIAL thread
Thread Topic: My OFFICIAL thread
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Can't sleep.
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Same. I haven't had an good night's rest in weeks.
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Alex. Are you okay?
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Meh...
Yeah I was just writing a song thAT GOT DELETED SOMEHOW, DAMN YOU PHONE -
Oh... sorry. I know what that is like.
Are you sure you are okay? -
Yeah makes me madder than bloody hell.
Other than quite sleepless, yeah. Maybe a bit lonely but that's mainly because not many people are upp at this hour XD (and yes, upp is the correct word, not up) -
At least it won't drive you completely insane and put you in an mental facility.
... are you sure? -
Nah don't think it's that bad. Just hella annoying. Like me.
Yeesss ayayay
^ XD
Anyway I'mma try to sleep again, if I fail again then I'll just pull an all nighter. If not, I'll be sleeping until like 4:30 this afternoon. See ya. -
Don't say that...
I really do think belive you...
Oh... okay then... -
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Alex, sometimes you act like your life was torn into pieces and can never be normal or okay, but I was thinking and...
Alex, you have a mom who loves you. She takes pride in you, for being you, and she loves you so much... sometimes I wonder if you see it...
And you aren't unsocial. Okay? You want friends and you try your dammed hardest to be friendly. I really don't know if you recognize it, but your social skills have improved drastically even in the time I have met you. I honestly believe if you open your mind to the idea that you are social enough, you will and can be that person. I know you try to compare yourself to the people who everyone admires, and you say you are nothing unless you meet those standards.I know because I do the same thing. I always tell myself I am ugly because I am not that thin porcelain skinned girl with dark hair and a perfect figure. I tell myself I am worthless because I don't succeed in the thing I love as much as a the next person does. But, recent experience has showed me something I didn't know was possible. I found out that that person who understands artistic passion to the fine levels and has the perfect nose isn't me. I found out that I hate myself if I start to fill those standards. I saw myself in the reflection of who I wanted to be and then I realized that wasn't me. I realized I wouldn't be myself without all my flaws and quirks. And neither would you! Not everyone is meant to be the social kid who you want to be. You are actually perfect just like you are, okay? Stop trying to fill a standard you weren't meant for. Stop crying because you aren't what you lust after because believe me if you could see yourself in those shoes for one day you would hate it. You think you are a worthless, dumb---, reclusive kid but you aren't. You are smart, and intellectual, and wanted and loved and friendly and everything you deny. You really are. I see it when you openly engage with new users here. f---, I don't even do that; that is a joy I lost in old flames. I see your social, friendly nature when I look at how everyone here openly engages in conversation with you. You are friends with almost everyone here! And I know you will say that you aren't like that in real life, but you are. You act like you just stutter and can't say anything intelligent, but that is what I am trying to tell you. You do have social skills. I have seen you talk to people in real life. I see how you interact with people, and just because it isn't in the same way most people do, doesn't mean you aren't! Okay, look. I know what you think because I was there too. Sometimes you forget I was the recluse home school child too... there was a time in my life where I was a laugh in socializing arts. When I met Alyssa and Jon I was a mess. All my life had been spent trying to fill the gap between me and all the rare few people I met. I used to try. So. Hard. To make friends, but people actually hated me and would rather be friends with Sarah DeChristopher, and since Sarah was no friend of mine, neither was anyone else. It was either her friendship for mine, and when you had to make the choice between an drop dead gorgeous, social, upbeat, girl who is evidently the the pastor's daughter and the best company to keep, or an blonde girl in freckles and awkward social skills who's only friend was she one girl no one wanted to hang out wiht, the choice wasn't hard... so, evidently, I grew up with only one friend who ever stayed with me, who now hates me and won't return my calls... okay, back to the point. I had no social skills when I met Alyssa. I would laugh awkwardly at every joke and I did a lot of stupid s--- because I didn't understand basic maturity factors. Seriously. I didn't know how to act around anyone so I started a lot of stupid drama that still makes me want to rip my brain out, and was always scrambling to say anytnig because nobody ever spoke to me in the past. I studdered through my speech amd was horid at making conversation... Even to this day I still have trouble giving presentations formally and am really quiet with few conversation skills.
.. I forgot the point I was trying to make there....
Oh well. I am just staying up anyways so if I remember I'll poet it later. -
Oh yeah. And I noticed how toy are doing the exact same thing I am by putting off your old dreams in fear and depressed notions... I honestly think you will make an amazing astronomer. You have so much passion and you are so intelligent... I hate to say this to you, but... I mean, we have too many musicians... do whatever you want with your life. I mean, I will support you with whatever, okay. But honestly, think you should aim high. Dot let your doubt overcome you, okay. I know you may feel like you just aren't in it anymore, but that is exactly how I feel about my soup passion, and I am assured it is just fear and doubt wrapped up and trying to keep you from letting go of whatever you're worry about.
Don't give up. Even if the sky's are gray that doesn't mean the sky's are eternally darkened, it just means you are in for a rainy spell. -
OH MY GOSH! You DO have and aunt Sarah! I was right!!
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It is four in the morning so everything I said probably seems really awry.
Hhe, sorry.
And you thought YOU couldn't sleep. I am no waking up for anything tomorrow. I don't care if my parents invite everyone I ever knew over, I don't care if there is a million dollars waiting outside my door waiting for the first person to grab them. I am going to sleep like a rock and if anyone tries to wake me I am just going to say I feel sick. (Tis an exception excuse because Nathaniel was throwing up yesterday and I have complained of drowsiness all week)
Okayyy. I know it probably isn't your style, but if you ever get an chance you should listen to Bury Me Alive -- We Are The Fallen, Fading-- Decyfer Down, and Dear X You Don't Own Me-- Disciple... like I said, I really don't know if you will like them, but you might listen to them just because you can and it would ease me to share this sort of thing with someone. Also, (also, not your style) Pain Killer-- The Letter Black and... basically all the songs I put on my Silence and Serenity Playlist. -
Oh, shoot... I am at that stage where I am getting really talkative. Sorry if you wake up to a thread spammed three pages with very random, long, lacey posts.
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I'm wide awake and you look perfect next to me
This photograph, I look so deep sometimes I hear you breathe
I'm here alone, try'n to hang onto my soul
But the distance takes its toll, you know, you know
I'm out here doin' all I can
You make me everything I am
Give me strength to get through somehow
I keep praying that it wont be long now
There'll come a day
When I can hold you and say its forever
There'll come a day
When these broken lives fade back together
There'll come a day
When we won't feel like this
I'll find my way
There'll come a day
I've seen enough things I wish I could erase
I shut my eyes and take myself back to a safer place
Where I can live the life I left behind
But as long as you're still mine, all mine, all mine
I'm out here doin' all I can
You make me everything I am
Give me strength I won't let you down
I keep hoping that it won't be long now
Ive stood for all that I believe in
Time now to start that healing
Take back the stolen time
Take back my life
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