Heph's thread
- Locked by Hephaestuschild on Dec 10, '20 10:57amReason: Making New Official Thread
Thread Topic: Heph's thread
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Maybe I won't.
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Tell me, tell me
What do you see?
In a mirror fogged up by the steam -
I feel so weak rn, I keep kinda swaying n focus is hard.
I ate but I want more food
I want something more than pasta or ramen.. -
I just want things to be normal again.
Everything has been turned upside down and change is so hard I don't even think I'm processing anything properly anymore.
I wish I could go to therapy but that's impossible, even if I could afford it none of my family would help me get there.
Dad complained enough about my dr. Appointment.
Speaking of, I wish he hadn't changed my doctor over to the one here.. I liked my other one. I would of even been ok with Dr. Washington in little rock, since she used to be a pediatrician and was my pediatrician.
Going to a new doctor and having to explain my medical history to them is just.. so exhausting. I don't want to have to explain why I'm on mood stabilizers and anxiety meds, what if they say I don't need them and take away my prescription?
If im off my mood stabilizers I'm f---ed.
What little impulse control I have would be gone. I would self destruct.
It scares me.
I have to be safe for mom, I promised her in the hospital I wouldn't do anything to make her worry ever again. I can't break that promise. I'm scared all she did while dying was worry about me. I scared her so had.. I feel awful about it. I was so selfish, I shouldn't of told her my plans and just chickened out at home. Then she could of been happier. -
I just want the thoughts to stop. I want to stop thinking about how much i miss her. I want to not think anymore. It makes me tired.
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Cat still won't get out of the plant.
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I'll eat the cat.
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