Help for my story? Please?

• Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:22pm

Thread Topic: Help for my story? Please?

• _Rayne_ Newbie

  11 years ago
  Alice locked the creaky door and stuffed the keys into her overflowing primark handbag. Despite her roommate, Chloe, advising her to phone a taxi, she decided to walk. The Dalton house was only ten minutes away, what's the worst that could happen? It was a clear night, the luminous moon transforming the street into a ghost town. The air was still, the streets empty. A fox darted past her, disappearing into a lonely alleyway. A flock of crows dived off a tree, soaring through the sky, as if trying to escape from something. Alice was starting to get scared now, she'd always been afraid of the dark, why didn't she phone a taxi? Don't be stupid, she thought, Nothing bad will happen, just concentrate on getting home quickly. Rummaging around in her handbag for her iPod, Alice turned the corner into a very long street with elegant Victorian houses with neat gardens. All the houses looked more or less identical; aged, Gothic and somewhat intimidating. Leaning against the wall of the house nearest her was a girl. A girl dressed in black. She was small, and her raven black hair was cut into a classic Emo hairstyle. She was watching Alice, with yearning grey eyes. "Umm... sorry... wrong street" stammered Alice. She turned to run, but a chill on the back of her neck made her stop. "I'm hungry... for you..." a shadowy voice whispered. Alice couldn't move. Did she hear that right? She shut her eyes tight, taking deep breaths, trying to force herself to be brave and walk, no, better make that sprint home. When she opened them agained, she screamed and stepped backwards, tripping over a kerb and landing hard on the stone ground. The girl was towering over her, licking her lips and smiling feindishly. "You smell... Delicious. Let me guess, O negative?" She giggled. Did she just guess my blood type? Alice asked herself. That was weird. What's even weirder was that she guessed correctly. The girl was now circling her, inspecting her it seemed. Alice clambered to her feet and ran. She'd made it not even three steps when the girls ice cold hand was around her neck, hard enough that Alice couldn't break free, but loose enough to let her breathe. The girl turned Alice towards her and gazed into her eyes. "You're supposed to be at home right now. Just finishing the hamburger Chloe made for you. Then going upstairs for a nice, hot bubble bath. The you'll go into bed and read for an hour before sleeping. Just like every other night..." Her dark velvety voice calmed Alice and suddenly she was sitting in the living room at the Dalton House, eating a greasy ham burger. The door burst open, and the third resident of the Dalton house bounded into the room, kicking off her sandals as she leaped onto the couch. "What's up murderers?" she asked. "In the wild animals kill and eat each other all the time, so there's nothing wrong with me enjoying a good old ham burger." Alice mumbled through a mouthfull of beef. Chloe rolled her eyes, "Seriously, you two act like complete boys sometimes. Grow up!" Alice washed down her meal with a can of Coke and went to run herself a bath. She sank into the stawberry scented bubbles and closed her eyes, leaving behind all of her worries, at this moment everything was fine. No stress, no work, no annoying boss constantly pestering her... Then suddenly she was standing out in a dark mysterious street, and it was icy and cold. A vampiristic girl was holding her, lowering her head down to her neck. "What the Hell?!" Alice screamed, and shoved the girl away from her. Well, tried to... The girl seemed to be made of stone, and laughed at Alice. "You're a tough one, aint cha? I'll have t-" A blur had managed to knock the witch straight off her feet, and she rolled backwards and banged her head off a stone wall. There was a sickening crunch as she sank down into a crumpled heap. She looked dead. Alice started screaming. Did she just witness a murder? She was paralyzed. She couldn't do anything but scream.
  
  Yeah so the "blur" that attacked the vampire turns out to be Alice's identical twin who went missing three years ago. I've never wrote a story (except for school) before so I'm kind of stuck... Also I think some of what I've got so far isn't very good so any tips...?
  
  Thanks :)
• _Rayne_ Newbie

  11 years ago
  Sorry that it isn't set out right... I was going to fix that when I'd finished the story

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