A Story
- Locked due to inactivity on Jun 1, '21 3:54am
Thread Topic: A Story
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Chapter 1: Taylor
Taylor frowned after a nice day of hunting, she had come home to find her parents in a rush. "You have to leave." Was her mother's only response. "Why?" She had asked but instead of an answer, she had a satchel shoved at her so she held it close.
Her father had her horse ready outside out in the yard, he helped her on and said, "Taylor, take the hidden path and head toward Castel." With that said he kissed her forehead and slapped her horse's butt.
Without knowing it, this would be the last time Taylor would see her parents alive. She stopped at the end of the hidden path and turned around to see the village ablaze and the screaming of people.
With tears in her eyes, Taylor turned back and headed towards Castel.
Arriving at Castel the man at the gate asked for her name and her reason for entering. "Taylor and my reason is was sent here." She answered and the man opened the gate quickly, pulling her and the horse in.
Whispering under his breath the man said, "Do not go around announcing yourself or you are sure to get yourself killed." Confused, she listened to the man's directions to go left and stop at house 109.
People kept their heads down as they walked and no friendly chatter seemed to buzz in the air. Arriving at house 109, Taylor knocked, the old man who opened the door beckoned he rin.
"Taylor." He said her name and she looked at him in puzzlement, "I'm Sir Sybil of Castel." She answered back, "Lady Taylor of EleJa. What's going on?" He nodded and motioned for her to sit down at the dining room table.
"Taylor, you've probably had never heard of the LionHearts?"He asked and she shook her head no.
"Aaah..They were the rulers of the Kingdom Zeairrea, a dragon, a human, an elf, and a dwarf. But as the years went by they lost control of the land, piece by piece. Soon they weren't kings just some species on thrones."
The story was interesting to Taylor but she didn't get what this had to do with her.
Sybil, seeing she still didn't gt it continued, "So they left their thrones dying off only god knows where. Until now, a tyrant has taken the throne trying to take over Zeairrea. And he's on the hunt to kill the Descendants off so they can't take the throne back."
Taylor sat there putting it together, jumping up in shock, knocking over the chair as she said, "It can't be me, me, a descendent of royalty?.." Collapsing into the chair again after picking the chair, scarcely sure of what to do.
"Yes Taylor, you are a decadent of the of royal blood." She stared at her boots and the red clay on them. "You look tired maybe you should go lay down?" Sybil helped her up, leading her to a guest room. "We have to leave tomorrow at sunrise."
Turning to Sybil, Taylor asked, "What?" He smiled sweetly and answered before shutting the door, "Why, we have to get the other LionHeart descents." With that, he left her with a lot to think about.
Taylor was awakened by Sybil shaking her shoulder lightly. "Taylor...Taylor it's time to get up." She sat up but did not automatically up get up to get drees. "Taylor you need to hurry, we only have enough time for you to eat because we must leave as soon as possible."
Getting dress in a tunic and her dirty red clay covered boots she headed downstairs, grabbing a few biscuits, she went outside to see Sybil had saddled her horse and another horse and was waiting on her.
Hauling herself onto her horse they rode out of Castel just as the sun started to peak over the first ridge of mountains casting a light orange glow on everything.
They rode in the silence until Taylor spoke up, "How do you know I'm kin to the LionHearts?" Looking back at her then turning back to his horse, Sybil answered, "I have been looking for the descendants of the LionHearts since I was your age when I got word that the King was gonna strike at EleJa. I just knew you were there. So I rode to get you but your parents were against."
"Since they would not allow you to go I told them that if the village was to be attacked to send you to Castel. It seems as though I was right about the attack."
"Where are we heading?" She asked only hoping to push the memories of the screams and fire away.
"HighFinz. There we shall meet Shane, a young elven boy." His voice perked up in excitement and joy at the thought of the young boy.
A young elven boy? Oh, I hope the rumours are not real, Taylor thought to her self. "Are the rumours true, Sybil?" She asked which was meet by, " What rumour's?" Stunned by the fact he didn't know about the rumours. She answered, " That the elves eat human flesh."
Bursting into laughter, Sybil laughed until his sides ached in pain, sighing he answered, "Elves don't eat human flesh, if so you would be dead by now."
Her jaw dropped open, "You're an elf?" She asked as she closed her mouth. Sybil moved his long frost blue hair away from his ears showing points. Taylor looked down at the man of her horse in embarrassment.
The rest of the trip to HighFinz was silent, Taylor was thinking about elves and how a rumour so absurd was made. -
Alright, so I'm seeing a little trouble with where to start a sentence in a few places.
Also each almost time a person speaks it's supposed to be a new paragraph.
How does she know to go to house 109? Who tells her? Did she just choose a random place having nowhere to go? And if so, what's Sybil's reaction to the girl he had been looking for showing up on his doorstep?
There also needs to be more detail. I'll use one of your paragraphs as an example.
Arriving at Castel the man at the gate asked for her name and her reason for entering. "Taylor and my reason is was sent here." She answered and the man opened the gate quickly, pulling her and the horse in.
Now with a little more detail:
Arriving at Castel, a burly man with a curiously shaped mustache at the large wooden gate asked for her name and her reason for entering. "Taylor and my reason is that I was sent here," she answered. The man, presumably a guard of some sort, nodded and called for the gate to be opened. Soon the gate was wide open. The man took her horse's bridle and led the two of them through.
Now that's how I wrote it, you have your own style of writing. But it's much easier to have a picture in your mind of what's going on with more description. Those who read your book cannot read your mind.
There needs to be emotional depth. How utterly confused she is that her parents are sending her away, the horror of seeing her hometown aflame, everyone she cares about gone, does she trust this complete stranger, and so on.
But overall this is a really good story and I can't wait to see where it goes! -
*almost each time
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Nice
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