~Rise of Shadows~
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:37pm
Thread Topic: ~Rise of Shadows~
-
Isabel Star NovicePlease, please, please no posting unless necessary. This is based off of my private Warriors world, so don't say, "Those are my characters!" or, "You got that from me!" Great minds think alike!
-
Isabel Star NoviceCLANS
~NightClan~
Leader: Hawkstar
Deputy: Swiftcrow
Medicine Cat: Blacktail
Warriors: Swallowfur, Silverwisp, Graypelt
Apprentices: Darkpaw, Shadowpaw, Frostpaw, Stonepaw
Queens: Brightear
Kits: Smokekit, Willowkit
Elders: Lostpelt
~SunClan~
Leader: Blazestar
Deputy: Redclaw
Medicine Cat: Beamfur
Warriors: Thunderpelt, Morningtail, Thrushwing
Apprentices: Yellowpaw, Burnpaw, Blisterpaw
Queens: Ashfoot
Kits: Sootkit, Emberkit
Elders: Runningfire
~FernClan~
Leader: Leafstar
Deputy: Thornpelt
Medicine Cat: Rosetail
Warriors: Bramblestream, Berryclaw, Burrowfur
Apprentices: Forestpaw, Brookpaw
Queens: Poppytail
Kits: Lilykit, Grasskit
Elders: Mousepelt
~SkyClan~
Leader: Breezestar
Deputy: Cloudpelt
Medicine Cat: Featherswift
Warriors: Whiteclaw Eagletail, Lakeclaw
Apprentices: Highpaw, Riverpaw
Queens: Raintail
Kits: Clearkit, Snowkit
Elders: Bluefur -
Isabel Star NoviceThere are not many warriors, but this is just a small rough draft. Enjoy!
-
Isabel Star NovicePROLOGUE
A young silver tom paws padded on cold stone. Through some brambles, a cave made the clan nursery. He pushed through them to a tortoise-shell queen. "How are they>" asked the tom, nudging three kits. "Fine, Longsilver." she looked lovingly at the tom, then at her kits. "But it was time we named them." she paused for several heartbeats before speaking again. "This one," she said, nudging a grey, almost black, tom kit. "Is as soft as a ending night. He will be called Darkkit. And this one," she flicked her tail over the spitting image of her father, mewling quietly. "Is as fragile, and sweet, as a staring snow. She will be named Frostkit. And lastly, my favorite, this one," she touched her pink nose to a black kit with silver stripes lining her back, "looks as if Silverpelt it's self is upon her fur. She will be Shadowkit." "Their lovely, Brightear." Longsilver touched her with his nose. A clamor outside jolted him up. "Longsilver!" yowled a cat. The tom arched his back with anger. Before he left the nursery, he turned to his beloved. "Don't worry. I'll be back in the morning." With that, he went to join the battle. With a lurch, the queen wondered who would join StarClan tonight. -
Have you ever considered creating characters as they're needed, instead of needlessly bloating your story with dozens of people that, at most, are never going to get more than a single line of description and an offhand mention at best?
I mean, I can understand world building, but the point of world building is to enrich the story. Not even Tolkien tried to give every single peasant a name and backstory, and this is the guy who invented an entire language to put into the prequel of the book he wanted to write.
If world building only serves to bloat the world, maybe you should consider cutting the fat where needed? -
Isabel Star Novice~~~~~EDIT~~~~~
Dear IHLAOY,
I understand your concern, but really I was trying to make it seem like the actual Warriors books, were the characters names and descriptions were given. I will try that sometime, though.
Given I have already restarted this book, I do not wish to restart again.
Thank you for your opinion. -
Isabel Star NoviceBack to the prologue!
Elsewhere, a molted tom wandered through forest-land he did not recognize. His amber eyes shone with fear, and he padded silently through the trees. Suddenly, a bright light shone and a tom that seemed to glow appeared. "Do not be afraid, Hawkstar. I come to give you a message." The tom looked up at the other mystified. "Go on, Longsilver." mewed Hawkstar. Despite his calm and even voice, he reeked of fear-scent. Longsilver hesitated, then continued in a voice so deep and low that Hawkstar had to strain to listen: "There will be three, kin of your kin, that will change the forest-for good, or bad." The brown tom looked up in surprise. "But Longsilver, I have no kits! What do you-" But he was cut off as someone nudged him back to NightClan camp... -
CHAPTER 1
~Secrets~
"Wake up, Shadowpaw!" The black she-cat grumbled, turned over, and opened one eye. There, in front of her, was the unmistakable pelt of Stonepaw. The black, grey, and white tom wriggled with excitement. "Just because it's your assessment doesn't make it mine!" Shadowpaw cuffed him gently on the ear.
This thread is locked, therefore no new posts can be made.
