~always alone~
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:15pm
Thread Topic: ~always alone~
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the silence comes around me its entraping me no one sees the bruises or the scars and they never do, hidden under scraps of clothing the reminants of memories root themselves to me i feel those bruises and see the scars and i remember, i try to sleep but it doesnt come at first and then when it does i fall helplessly into the strange darkness and then the memories come flooding back, i use to relive the memories every time i closed my eyes now its every times im alone, i wake up thrashing and screaming and sweating, no one really understands why i have black under my eyes they suspect ive been up all night partying like a teenager but in truth i stay up all night to try to keep the memories away i watch the night go by and the silence begins to become my enemy the memories flood back and now i just let them come, i use to cut my wrists to temp the question, "am i really living in this night-mare?" i sit in the window seel now and i watch the sky im so unresponsive that it takes a few blows from someone to try to get me to come back to being okay and even them most of the time i dont notice and i sit there not coming out of the memories and i sit watching the night as my eyes dialate with fear and still no one notices how scared i am, now i doubt anyone cares i sit in the window and i relive my memories in such fear and i begin to react, my mother and her husband, my step dad, they dont care and i doubt anyone ever will.....they beat me and dont care about why i wake up earlly in the mornings screams with my eyes wide open and dialated but im reliving a memory, a scary memory,
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i sit in the window seel and feel the air blow on my face as i watch the moon and the stars and i whisper, "oh lord why must i suffer should i die, if so why because i dont think i could ever kill myself i thought i could once before but knowing that some one out there cares i just couldnt hurt him because i love him i just wish i was with him and he knew that every night i whisper a plea to the moon and the stars and i repeat that plea at sunrise the plea is: moon so sweet ur silent company has been delightful even when i am completely frightful of my memories and stars so bright you shine through the night your the ones who show me i do belong some where, if you listen now my sweet friends you will hear that i have found my place and the sunrise has heard how wonderfull he is and in just a few words would you carry them to him though i know he might not hear whisper them gently in his ear tell him i love him and that ill never leave tell him that no matter how bad our pasts are its time to build our future together so please help me now friends so dear i have asked the sunrise to carry over the sound of my voice and hope that he will hear this plea i give tonight and every night since we met tell him what ive said so that he can hear what i trully feel for him please tell My Gabriel dear moon and stars and the sunrise will give hope for him to one night see that for a tale as old as time i have been whispering my plea to him in his volumous slumber"
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"am i really alive??" i have asked myself this question so many times before ive also asked, "why lord?? what did i do to deserve this??" and everytime its the same -no answer- i have been told god has a plan for me or the same old fraze "i totally understand" well do you really?? thats my question for you do you really know me and my pain and my suffering?? my parents abuse me dailly i am haunted by memories of my past and im blamed for everything no one ever cared to give me love as a child so now i have nuthing to trust but myself and ive been hurt and ive been bullied and ive went through so much that no one understands......i just wish people could see how much im affected by certain things they say.....but they dont the only people who seem to care for me now are:
Gabriel (aka pretender)
Swimmer
Brooke (maybe)
Slim
Ellis
Tara
Ana
Sammy
and dragon -
and alana (maybe)
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oh my gosh shady, i had no idea things were this bad for you. *hugs* is there anything i can do to help?
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not really but everyone misinterprets here and it doesnt help so i really dont care much any more im numb to what some people here say (well i try to be) i wish gabriel would get on no better yet i wish he was here to hold me and take me away from this hell chamber my parents dont love me and they abuse me........
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*hugs back and goes to sit in the corner*
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the silence seems to be my immortal enemy always returning to me.........
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Amor I will take you away. Gosh I'm so sorry I can't be there. * Crying * please hang in there soon we will be together.
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Sorry, you you rlly might wanna take my name off that
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*hugs shady tightly* i care i care icare care i care!!!!!!!!!! i'm soooo soooo sorry you're going through all this, if there was anything i could do i really really would do it. :( i'm so sorry.
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trying to keep the memories away at a time like this when its so quiet is so hard........
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my life seems to crumble all over again i have found a solid piece of love in my life and i cling to it like nuthing ever b4 but whenever it seems things might get better they start to crumble........
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i appologize world ive been a burden to the world and if i knew for sure no one would care i would end my life........
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it always seems that the lord wants to show me what i could have and gives me a taste and then rips it back away from me im so scared it might continue to be that way and i just dont know how i would survive without mi amor Gabriel
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