Madness
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:31pm
Thread Topic: Madness
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Dark_Alice NewbieYou wake up, and she kicks you. "Awaken!" She hisses. You stand up, breifly remembering Mom telling you, then a five year old, not to be afraid of the dark. But now, everything is different. You have discovered the rooms hidden in shadows, that at night become corrupted. She pulls the chain that attaches to your stomach itself, pulling you into the shadows behind the door, and imeadietly you are pulled into Madness.
Feedback? -
I like it.
I know I'm usually very critical of stories here, but occasionally I just want to say those words.
My complaints would obviously be the narrative mode. Second person doesn't lend itself well to storytelling, but that's just opinion. It's short, but you also told everything you needed to in it, so there's really no reason to make it longer. You misspelled several words, so proofreading is something you need to work on. Other than that, I think it's a rather good premise, but I don't know where you're going with it. -
Dark_Alice NewbieThanks. I know spelling's not a strongpoint, and im glad you like it. I think I'm not going to do much more, I just felt creative!
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IHLAOY, what would you rate this story? from 1-10?
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Or, this, paragraph.
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This paragraph alone? Seven, maybe a low eight. Two points were deducted for grammar, one for length. I personally don't like the narrative, but I won't let that drag my score down, I just feel it would be more effective in a different perspective. It does its job well as exposition and setting the premise though, so you really can't complain. Cause really, that's all it does, there's not much to complain about. It doesn't introduce characters, it doesn't start a plot, it doesn't worry itself with anything other than saying 'this is the premise of the story.'
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I give it a four, as my idea of a good premise is slightly different.
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Or maybe I'm just jealous you approve of it. Damn, I'm gonna have to study this.
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