"Notes to Myself"
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:30pm
Thread Topic: "Notes to Myself"
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"Society has brought me down."
you tell the world, tell your friends, tell yourself.
I don't think you know what you're talking about anymore.
I think you're still caught up in your past,
back when you were always being oppressed.
Back when someone was always out to get you.
Back when you were happy to showcase your scars and bruises
and your broken bottles
for the sake of expressing "individuality".
Sure, of course you were depressed.
Well, what do you expect?
You victimized yourself.
You had an intimate bond with pain
long before you were old enough to understand it,
spent long nights in it's bed
drinking the water it brought for you.
You laid back in the depths of your mind
and surrendered yourself to sad thoughts
in hopes of finding something solid amid the sinking.
Your dreams were all in grayscale,
a terrific monument in honor of your great escape.
You thrived on self-pity,
and when you realized others would hand you their hearts
you used that too,
and you overdosed on it,
You shot falsehoods into your veins
and told yourself you were never beautiful
to bring tears to your eyes
because crying made you feel alive again,
feel okay,
feel like you had an identity.
You are your sadness.
You are your grievances and your anger
and your careless nature.
You are your daddy issues
and your lack of ground to stand
and your own mentality,
and it's all there's ever been.
No wonder you spent years drowning yourself
in reminders of everything that hurts.
You've got bullet lists on your wrists
of everytime you thought you'd cut yourself
just to see if anyone would look.
But everything has changed.
Can't you be real now?
You have.
You are.
You've done childish things,
acted on thoughts you made yourself have
and you've made lasting impressions
on people who will never love you again.
But you are not the things you've done.
You're different,
not from everyone else,
but from yourself.
You are separate from what you were.
You shed that skin and you wonder
why you ever wanted to be that in the first place.
Pathetic little girl,
growing strong from the basis of your nightmares,
you are not who you once were,
and one day,
even I will seem to you like
a hypocrite and a liar.
Dark little thing,
hide in your corner
and wallow in your own self-hatred for now,
but know that you're still new.
Your skin is cracking
and you're just so afraid,
but it's going to be okay,
it's going to get better.
You can't live forever
breathing bitterness instead of oxygen.
You can't carry on for the rest of your life
trying to be a rebel.
Your time is worth much more.
You will become so much more.
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