My wonderful story.(well the prologue)
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:26pm
Thread Topic: My wonderful story.(well the prologue)
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Six years ago...
Our story begins n a warm summer night in abasement laboratory, where a young girl's life will chang in the blink of an eye, but back to the story. The girl was ten years old . She had long blonde hair to her waist, azure blue eyes, tan skin, and she had the small apperence normal for a child her age. She was dressed in a white night gown and she was barefoot. In front of her was her father who had unkept brown hair, calf brown eyes, and pale skin like a vampire. He stood about 6'4 and wore a white lab coat over his blue shirt, a wore pair of jeans, and an old pair of white tennis shoes. His eyes were wild and looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. The girl looked at her father in worry; He'd been un his lab for weeks since her mother died a month ago. His voice snapped her back into reality.
"Sweetie," said her father in a calm and soothing voice. "Can you get in the chair for me please?" he pointed to a lab chair bolted to the floor.
The girl stared at him oddly. 'Is this why he woke me up so late?, but she shrugged it off and walked over to the chair. Her father helped her sit properly in the chair and started to put restraints bands on her. the girl acted calm, but on the inside she was scared out of her mind. As he tightened the last restraint band on her waist, she finally had the courage to ask him a question.
"Dad...What are you going to do?" she asked him with a hint of fea seeping into her voice.
He smiled and answered her. "I'm just going to give you a shot sweetie, nothing more and nothing less." He held up a syringe filled with a strange black liquid. "It will only hurt for a bit."
Panic finally set into her mind and filled her quickly. She saw him look for a vein in her arm to sink the needle in. He found the perfect vein and slipped the needle into her skin and pushed the syringe down, causing the liquid to enter her veins and travel quickly. She screamed in pain as the liquid traveled through her body, causing a change to happen to her fragile ten year old body. Her once stunning azure blue eyes turned to gold, becoming wider and more wolf like. Her once beautiful blonde hair changed to a pure white, and small patches of white fur appeared on her skin growing bigger, becoming thicker and dog like. Her restraints broke in the process and she fell to the floor, the sick snapping of bones reforming and becoming more nimble could be heard through the room. A white long tail came out and black claws replaced finger nails, hands stretched and became more wolf like. A long muzzle stretched out replacing her nose and mouth, long sharp fangs showed and a low whimper escaped from the human wolf hybrid. The transformation finally was complete and the beast would have stood at a good 5'5 at full standing point.
I will put more in a second. -
Ooh
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I like it :O.
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(more of the story)
"It worked!!" shouted her father with glee, but he failed to notice that she wasn't in restraints anymore; his former daughter howled and atacked him. They both fell to the flr and she bit his shoulder, shattering the bone. He screamed and tried to fight back, but to no avail. She sliced at his chest causing more of his blood to spill on the floor leaving a puddle. His screms died down and he stopped moving. The wolf hybrid started to change back into a fragile, ten year old girl with a scared look on her face.
"D-daddy?" she said as tears started to stream down her face. She shot up quickly to her feet and ran for her life up the stairs out of the basement, not bothering to close the door behind her. She ran to her room on the second floor, finding her door and ripping it open literally. She looked at her door wide eyed. she snappd out of it and ran into the room, changing her clothes quickly to a black shirt, jeans, and a pair of black and white converse. She gabbed a bag and quickly started to throw essentials into the bag to survive. She glanced up to see herself in the mirror and gasped. Her azure blue eyes now had specks of gold in them, her tan skin had gotten lighter, and her blond hair was now pure white. she quickly ran out of the room with the bag on her shoulder, to the front door of the house. she ripped that door open and ran, never looking back.
Almost five years later...
A girl about fifteen years old stared out the window of a passanger train in boredom. She like other passangers was on her way to Spark City, New Jersey. Her hair was pure white, her skin was a pale tan, and her azure gold eyes looked like they could make you becomre filled with fear. Her black shirt, jacket, jeans, and her studded combat boots made her look so menacing many passangers stayed their distance. Her mind wandered until she heard the intercom on the train turn on and the conductor's voice rang out.
"We are now entering Spark City, The City of New Beginnings."
She smiled to herself as she watched the high rise buildings of the city come into view. -
Any pointers feeback or anything else along that line?
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Yeah, it's great, but there's just one thing:
At this part: "A girl about fifteen years old stared out the window of a passanger train in boredom." You need to put commas after "girl" and "old". (I don't really know how to explain this, so I'll try my best). Because you can take that part out of the sentence, and it'll still make sense (example: A girl stared out the window of a passanger train in boredom.) think of it like a side note, like you're whispering that part, if that made any sense. And then the same thing for the sentence after that one. -
Ah alright Meg Ill do that. thanks.
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Have you ever posted this before?
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Yeah but I changed a few things to it...okay maybe alot I lost my old note to this story.
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I still say it's brilliant
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It's great
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Thanks to both you.
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Anyone else hm?
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I'll said like I said before, I like it, more soon!
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That's really good, Anri.
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