My first poem
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:14pm
Thread Topic: My first poem
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Drunk in a bed
If not for you I might be dead
Drinking vodka I sigh
but without you I'd cry
Life's not for me what you'd think
if I was on that ship I'm sure it'd sink.
Why's the sky still so dark
it doesn't seem like it should be when I'm with you my meadow lark.
Alone with my Smith I'm comforted some
though next to you I feel I've won.
To bad I'm actually alone
if I ever had a light it'd have shone.
By myself I feel undone
I just wish I still had someone.
There thats my first ever peom, hope I didn't bore you. -
It's really good! :) I like it, Ellis.
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Oh and incase you wondered the Smith part is about my favorite musician Elliott Smith who's music always makes me feel better.
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eilloh JuniorIt shows promise given some work.
At least it shows feeling a means something.
What I find to writing poetry is that you litterately need to show your soul,essence,capture it in a verse of sweet or sorrowful words and speak it's sweet toungue from your lips.
Dont be afraid to unleash the storm or torrent that threatens to break.
Let it out and touch the world.
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Wow Eilloh, that was really... meaningful and full of depth lol.
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Sobering up now I can already see tons of little things I would like to rephrase. If you were thinking the meadow lark part was pretty corny I did too thats why I put it in there for one little laugh. If nobody dislikes it I'll probably do a couple more, maybe.
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I like it a lot :)
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if it was a song it'd be cool
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@Ozzyiommi Hmm maybe I should make it into one. I play acoustic guitar and sing and am going to learn to play piano so ya... I guess I will.
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great poem.
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Whoa, great =D
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It's about my ex. I'm with Swimmy now so I'm happy. For the most part.
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Oh and by ex I don't me brooke of course.
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