Shiver
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 4, '16 4:14pm
Thread Topic: Shiver
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okay, so i'll post the first couple chapters along with a synopsis:
Synopsis: It was just a normal night for Jesse. His mom sent him to the grocery store to pick up things, but as usual, he had no clue where they were. He'd just moved to New York a year before, since his dad landed a new job far away from their apartment in Memphis. Jesse and Liz had been dating for about 2 years. They were eachother's other half. But one mistake can change everything, and Liz is about to find out that everything can't last forever...
Now for the book part:
LIZ
The sirens blared from outside my apartment window. Ugh, another chase. Typical NYC. I finish my bun, adding a few bobby pins as a finishing touch. I know it’s going to end up coming out anyway, since Jesse always plays with my hair. He’s so cute. I can’t wait until 7. I remember the sirens, and I walk over to the living room window. I peer out the window, expecting to see a yellow sports car or something zoom by, but instead I’m greeted by a car crash. The Buick’s front windshield is shattered, and the head of the SUV is inside the Buick, which looks like a twisted piece of metal. I look closer. The SUV was dark blue, almost black. The Buick was a light grey; you could almost call it a dusky blue. The same color as Jesse’s car. I think. Wait. JESSE’S CAR!!! OHMYGOD OHMYGOD! I race down the 10 flights of stairs and finally reach the bottom. I fling the door open, and run out into the icy autumn air, which bit me in return. Traffic is going around the crash quickly. With my heart racing, I think, Oh, God please not Jesse. Please don’t be Jesse. I feel like I’m going to puke. I pull myself together as fast as I can and sprint across the busy road, horns blaring in my direction. I reach the crash and see that the SUV is empty. I look into the Buick. There! My legs feeling like jelly, I quickly bust the driver’s side door open. And sure enough, laying there half conscious was Jesse. My Jesse.
I grab his hands in mine and look into his eyes, which by now were partially fogged over, in a daze. “Oh God, oh God, Jesse please… Please Jesse don’t leave me,†I say between sobs. Tears are running down my cheeks and I can barely see anything. No, no this can’t be happening! My head was screaming at me. DO SOMETHING QUICK! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING, HE’S ALMOST GONE! Pull yourself together, Liz, you’ve got to save him! “Jesse….†I barely whisper, my sobs overcoming me. I lean my head onto his chest and hold him close. I remember what it felt like to kiss him, to hold him, to feel like the only girl on this planet when I was with him. He was my other half.
I feel Jesse struggling, trying to fight off death. I can feel his pain, his agony, his loss. I kiss him lightly, then I brush his hair out of his face. That’s when it happened. That’s when I felt it… I felt his heart stop, I heard his final breath.
And then my Jesse was gone.
JESSE
Eggs, milk, butter, orange juice, sugar, waffles. Eggs, milk, butter, orange juice… My mom’s shopping list played over and over in my head as I looked around the grocery store, a foreign place to me, since my dad never sent me there. He usually just stopped to pick up take-out food every night on his way home from his big-shot job at CNN. Ever since my dad shipped me off to my mom’s everything’s been different. Mostly for the worst.
I was the new kid at school last year. Apparently most people think nothing different than this year. I’m 6’7â€, so people often call me “Giantâ€. That I don’t mind as much. What I do mind is people messing with me, throwing my books around, beating my friends up at football, calling me chicken if I don’t complete a dare. I used to live in Memphis with my dad. He’d be gone weekdays, but on weekends we’d chill together. You know, father son bonding. My mom is all on top of me now. She checks on me a lot, and she’s always asking me how school went. I know she’s trying to be a mom, but I’m just not used to that stuff.
But there’s one shining star in my world of darkness. Her name is Elizabeth, Liz for short. I met her last year in Tech Ed, when we were building robotic cars. That was my first day at that school. While everyone else glared at me like I shouldn’t be there, she welcomed me with one of those radiant smiles of hers. I remember smiling back, but then looking at the floor quickly. Let’s just say, I was instantly crushing on her.
Near October of last year was when I finally got the nerve to ask her out. We’ve been dating ever since. We’ve been dating almost a year. We’re gonna go out for dinner on the “anniversary†of our relationship, which is in a couple days. God, I can’t wait to see her. I love her so much, when I’m not with her I feel like half of me is missing. I couldn’t bear to live without her, even if I tried.
“Uh, right. I’m looking for toaster waffles. Where are those again?†I ask the manager of the supermarket for the millionth time.
“Uggggh,†she groans, slapping herself square in the face. She looks around 40, maybe even older. “Forget it,†she says, annoyed with me.
I open my mouth to speak, “But my mom really needs these things and I don’t know where…â€
She cuts me off. “OUT OF MY STORE!!!!†she hollers at me, pointing toward the automatic doors. I do as she says and drop the couple groceries I’d picked up and walked toward the door.
“Yeah. Nice talking to you, too,†I mumble under my breath. On my way out I pick up my cell and call Liz. No answer. I leave a message saying I’d be around to pick her up around 7. It’s about 6:30 right now, so that gives me about a half an hour to get from here to her apartment. Liz lives with her dad, since her mom died last year because of cancer. I wish I could’ve, you know, brought her back so she would be happy again. But I can’t, so that’s where that idea stands.
I’m driving towards her house, about five minutes away. I’m looking forward to that million watt smile, the bright blond of her hair, the smell of vanilla and sugar that she gives off. But most importantly, I’m looking forward to her. The way she loves me is unreal. She kisses me with so much passion and when we talk, she listens… to everything. Even the most pointless parts of my life... she cares about them. Liz is the best girl a guy could ask for. And she’s all mine.
I stop at a red light, and tap on the steering wheel. I’m getting impatient with all this traffic. Finally, green. I press on the gas pedal, heading towards her apartment. I can see her through her window, doing her beautiful blond hair up into a neat bun. I hope she knows she’s going to end up taking it out anyway. I always play with her hair. Her silky, soft, beautiful hair. I let my thoughts take over, but I’m still concentrated on the road. Just a minute to go, and then I’ll be there.
I flip my chestnut brown hair out of my face so I can see better. I pull down the mirror, making sure I look at least slightly decent. My bright green eyes stare back at me. I used to not know who I was. But Liz, she helped me find out. I close up the mirror, hoping my old Memphis T-shirt and jeans will be good enough for her. I turn at the intersection. There’s the front door of her building. I start to park my car, picturing her face lighting up when she sees me, with the dazzling smile of hers.
I see headlights heading straight towards me. My eyes widen, and my heart starts to race. Oh God, dude, seriously? I gotta get outta here! I try to undo my seatbelt to jump out of the car but I’m too late.
I hear shattering glass, and the crunching twist of metal. I feel all numb inside and out. I feel something warm and sticky soaking my shirt and coming from my nose, arm, and forehead.
(i'll continue the rest in the second post)
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(Continued)Blood. I try to fight to stay conscious, to believe that I’m fine. But I’m not, and I know it. I gasp and sputter, every breath paining me.
I call her name. “Liz,†it’s only a faint whisper. “Liz, I love you,†I say, but nobody could possibly hear it. I hear horns honking and the door is busted off. I feel someone against me. I smell vanilla with just a hint of sugar, and catch a glimpse of that brilliant blond hair. I hear her perfect, sweet voice.
“Oh God, oh…… Jesse don’t leave me,†some words are washed out. Breathing hurts even more. But for a second time stops. I feel her lips on mine, and the pain goes away completely. I try to call her name but my mouth doesn’t move. I try to kiss back, to hold her, stroke her hair, anything. Nothing. I feel like nothing. I can’t move, or hear anymore. I can only see. I see her crying into my shirt holding on to me. I feel like I need to comfort her, tell her I’m alive. I feel a pain so huge in my heart, that the rest of it doesn’t matter. Because this is not the last moment I wanted. This is not anything I would’ve wished for. Then I felt myself slowly slip away, and I suddenly saw my body there, limp, motionless, and bloody.
I was dead. Unforgettably, undoubtedly dead. And there was nothing I could do. I was gone. For good.
JESSE
You know, dying when you least expect it is pretty freaky. I mean, I was all excited and happy, and I had this warm feeling inside me. I was going to see Liz again. But those last minutes before I got there ended up ruining it all. My life, obviously, but mostly her life. That’s what I was mostly concerned about. And unless Liz could suddenly see and hear ghosts there was no way I could comfort her.
I sat there on her bed and watched her sleep, or at least try to.
It’s all my fault. If I had just gotten my head out of the clouds in time to see that SUV coming towards me earlier none of this would’ve happened. My car would’ve been a wreck, but it wouldn’t matter because Liz and I would still be together. I wouldn’t have to see her every night, waking up and screaming at the top of her lungs. I wouldn’t have to hear her sobs, calling my name, looking around the city at night. Oh, God, I wish I wasn’t gone, I really do.
I feel worse when I walk into her room while she’s sleeping and suddenly she gets really cold. She shivers frantically. That’s what I hate the most. Causing her pain and agony. I regret ever living. Sure, it was a nice life, but my life’s end shouldn’t result in Liz’s suffering.
I tried talking to her, through her dreams, while she was asleep one night. I love you Liz. With all my heart. I’m here, just in a different way. But my feelings for you haven’t changed. I still love you like Hell… and I miss you, too. The next morning in their small kitchen she was talking to herself saying things like, “He was there. I heard him. He’s not completely gone.â€
And her dad replying, “Uh. Honey, he’s gone. We can’t change that. But what you can do to help yourself is to move on.†She’d always become furious, storming into her room.
God, what a mess I’ve made of her life. I wish I could rewind time and just prevent myself from getting killed. But at least I’m somewhat still here, able to watch over her.
LIZ
Every day without Jesse would blend into the next. I was a zombie, a drone, robot, whatever you want to call me. Sailing in and out of things, not making even the slightest effort to move on. But how could I? He was the one thing I loved, the one person who made me feel whole.
Sometimes I get these strange feelings… these shivers. And whenever I get them I swear I feel Jesse’s presence. He’s haunting me. And haunting isn’t always a bad thing. In this case it made me feel semi-whole again. But I still would give anything to get him back. The hole in my heart is just too big to heal without him.
Before this I didn’t believe in ghosts. But now, I rely on believing. Without him somewhat here, I couldn’t survive.
Day in, day out; days turn to weeks. It’s been almost a month since Jesse got killed. One thing’s for sure – Life will never be the same – ever.
CARLI
Ever since that stupid accident that killed her boyfriend Jesse, Liz has been acting really weird. She doesn’t talk, or eat, or try at anything. She’s literally failing junior year. And I don’t mean to sound rude, but seriously, get a life! I mean, how long has it been? Like almost half a year? Yeah, she’s had lots of time to move on. But, no! She spends her time mourning and talking to walls. I mean, as if he was there. She’s so weird.
I honestly don’t know why I was friends with her in the first place. We have nothing in common. I guess she created a good image, I mean; she is the prettiest girl at the academy. I just don’t get why she chose him. The new kid… there was so many other more attractive guys to choose! Agh, who am I kidding, Jesse was like, the whole package. Good looks, great personality, and great chemistry. They were PERFECT for each other. I kind of wish he was mine instead of hers. I’ve been jealous of her ever since they got together. It’s just something Ben and I just never seemed to have. Sure, we look cute together, but we don’t have any chemistry at all.
Honestly, I feel bad for Liz. She loved him so much, and to have him die right in front of her like that, that’s harsh! But you just gotta rip the Band-aid off as quickly as possible, no matter how hard it hurts, because in the end, it saves you from becoming a lonely “widowâ€, so to speak. I just hope she gets over this faze FAST because being friends with a freak is definitely NOT a good image. -
s---... i forgot the bolds and italics... just know there's alot in there k? :)
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That's great. There's just one thing, my middle name is Elizabeth and my nickname is Liz. But oh boy do I wish that'd happen to Blueberry.
It's really good! -
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thanks guys! :)
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wow, that's AMAZING!
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Very impressive.
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I love it, it's great!
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