struggles with identity (help)
- Locked due to inactivity on Jul 18, '20 3:54am
Thread Topic: struggles with identity (help)
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(If the mods deem this unsuitable for the website that's fine, just wanted to want and get some opinions here)
Tl;dr: I'm asexual but lately I've been doubting the validity of my identity. I was just wondering if anyone had any opinions/knowledge about the ace spectrum and perhaps could bring some insight. :/ just something i think about a lot
I know I shouldn't worry so much about labels, but I am one of those people who finds comfort in having my identity validated. Totally cool if you're someone who doesn't want/need them.
I'm also not asking if asexuality exists so if that's your opinion please just disregard this thread.
As a younger teen, 14-16 or so, I was a horny little idiot. The internet was my oyster, and I might actually die if anyone ever got ahold of my browser history from that point in my life.
But despite my interest in R rated fanfiction and p---, I've never had much sexual interest in people irl. Or even physical interest. I love cuddling and holding hands and being close and sweet with my loved ones, but anything more than a kiss lasting a few seconds usually makes my brain go "okay.. when's this gonna be over." I don't enjoy it.
And trust me, I've tried. With guys, with girls, in threesomes, over text... When there's another person involved I'm just not interested. Plus after I turned 16, my sex drive started declining rapidly. Like I'm talking straight downhill. I just don't have that much interest in that sort of media anymore. (Apart from a tasteful slowburn fic with a satisfying ending)
And it's not that I don't enjoy being intimate with somebody. My body reacts to it, and with my previous boyfriend I would even initiate sex. (I'd still be a little annoyed when he was taking forever but usually less so.)
Him and I have since broken up, but the truth is I didn't hate being with him. It wasn't miserable for me like it typically is. I also didn't hate kissing the girl I'd been dating before. Didn't love it when it drug on for very long or got unnecessarily sloppy, but didn't dislike it none the less.
But I'm still not, like, sexually attracted to other people irl. Like I've never seen an attractive person and been like "oh f--- me," but instead it's always been "damn what a blessed face." Not even my celebrity crushes. I don't fantasize about other people, usually just situations.
Ever since I dated that guy and didn't hate myself after we'd hook up, I've been feeling a little invalid in my identity. -
ok. so. i used to identify myself as asexual after being rejected my the crush for two years (still have a crush on them a year later), but i think it was just trying to recover from it and like, close myself off? idk, but i didn't fully understand the meaning. not too long after, my now-ex asked me out. i knew he had liked me for a while now, but was confused on why he had waited so long to ask. he, and some of his friends who we were hanging out with at the time all said in unison: "BECAUSE YOU WERE ASEXUAL". that kinda opened up my eyes a bit. 1: i had only become asexual to cope with being rejected (if that makes sense) 2: i never felt any resistance to the appeal of sex. 3: saying i'm asexual but not really feeling it makes me miss out on chances of so many things, and it just wasn't worth it. after that, i thought i was trans for a while. that's a different story but still ended up with me abandoning it, because it wasn't quite me. currently, i'm pan, and happy. so, yes, like you, i have struggled with my identity too. of course, i'm younger than you and therefore haven't had the same opportunities, but i can feel you on this one. so, with you, it seems that you are truly feeling asexual. to conclude this long post, you asked for opinions and experiences, and this is mine. i'd say, just live your life, find new experiences, and explore as much as you can? again, i'm not a psychologist, therapist, or lgbt expert, so feel free to disregard this post.
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Thank you ♡
Yeah i get the gender identity thing too. It took me a while to find something that I felt fit. -
maybe you're asexual or maybe a lack of libido?
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