I need some advice.
- Locked due to inactivity on Aug 18, '16 3:54am
Thread Topic: I need some advice.
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On May 13th, I asked the guy of my dreams out. Well, okay, no. I didn't ask him out. What happened was we were talking, and he said "so tell everyone that your boyfriend did blah blah" and I paused and said, "We're dating?" and from there it was a mutual agreement that we were a thing. He's.. Seriously amazing. Whenever I get angry, all he has to do is make a joke and I feel better. If I'm down, he lets me talk to him about my problems. I've started taking better care of myself; eating more food, taking care of my body, showering, dental hygiene, ect. I started feeling better about my personal image and I've been a better person. He's shown me that there's more to life than what I thought. I really do love him.
The only problem is that we're seven years apart. And because of that, I've been nervous to tell my parents about him. I attempted to tell my parents, and this is how the conversation with my mom went...
Me: "Mom, how would you feel if I had a boyfriend that was older than me?"
Mom: "How old?"
Me: "Seven years...?"
Mom: "Nope."
Me: "Not even if his personaility is good, or--"
Mom: "Two years is max in high school. Once you reach 18 you can date whoever you want, but not right now."
Me: "Oh.."
And she went to talking about food. I never got a chance to even bring him up. And I've been stressed about it all day. I want my parents to know him. To approve of him. And my parents won't even take me seriously. I.. Honestly haven't felt so upset for a while. I need recommendations on how to approach this. Do we continue dating even if my parents won't know about him? Do I try to bring it up again? Do I tell my grandmother about him and hope she'll give me advice? I really don't know what to do and any type of help would be awesome. I'll answer questions if you all have any if it means I can get help. -
I think she is just scared. She wants to make sure he isn't taking advantage of you.
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I understand she has the right to be scared, but I didn't even get a chance to tell her about him. He really is mature about the situation. We met up IRL, my grandmother and my best friend accompanied me. The entire time we hung out, he acted pretty natural. He'd ask for permission to take me to booths, he watched out for me, and the only thing we did was hold hands. Not once did he touch me or ask "hey can we go off somewhere alone" or do anything of the sort. He's not in the relationship for sex.
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7 years sounds like quite a lot if you're under 16 so I understand their concern. You could try bringing it up again but it doesn't sound like they will change their minds.
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(+_+) Seven years? How old are you? Shucks, I suggest waiting until you are eighteen and then you can do whatever you want. As of now your parents are in charge of you. I'm not sure. You can try telling them again and if they agree then there you have it: A boyfriend. If they say no, don't rebel against them. Take it as a chance to see if the boy still likes you even if both of you are not in a relationship. Take your time to observe throughout the years of reaching eighteen if he really likes you for you. If he does he's a keeper, negative: he wasn't the one. If someone likes another they would wait right?
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Two things, before you read this:
1. I know how it feels to be into someone who's a bit older than you. One of my volunteer coordinators is REALLY attractive, and he's like... in his mid 20s? But oh my god. Anyways.
2. You asked for advice, so please think about it a bit from all perspectives before immediately defending yours and only yours.
While I get that you want to have a solid relationship with him, you should want a solid relationship with your parents, too. I know you don't want to hear that you're young, or that they know best, but seven years is a HUGE age gap, especially at your age. He should understand that your parents are slightly uncomfortable with it, and if he pressures you into a relationship or encourages your feelings despite your parents' wishes, that's definitely a red flag. Sex and intimacy aren't the only things that would be worrying about dating someone with such a large age gap. Ultimately, I'd suggest that you talk to your parents or a school counselor about how to handle this until you're eighteen. -
So I should probably just drop it and wait until I'm older to mention him again? We've both agreed we can wait until they approve, and he's willing to wait until I'm 18 anyway, so it's kind of okay that my mother didn't approve. I just wish we had gotten her approval now and that we didn't have to wait.
I'm fourteen, turning fifteen in November. We might as well wait.. I want to tell them, but with her first reaction, it's kind of like it would be pointless. The way I approached the conversation, I didn't even get to explain to her WHY I was asking the question or even introduce the idea of him. I only got to ask her opinion on older dating. And she dropped it instantly. I'll definitely consider that. You're completely right about the keeper thing.
1. oh man that sucks ;;
2. Understood!
I do want a solid relationship with them, but honestly, I trust my grandmother more than I trust them. I came out as pansexual to her. My parents don't know still because I know they won't take me seriously like my grandmother does.And yeah, it is a giant age gap. We both understand that either parental side can/probably will be worried/scared/concerned about it. I'm gonna shut down the pressuring, though. He said that if my mom doesn't approve, he is willing to stay by my side as a friend until we can date if that's what I want. However, I do understand it can happen and I will look out for that behavior from him. I'll try bringing up the issue again sooner or later. I'm thinking I'll get a better reaction from my father/grandmother.. Idk.
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