Eaglecrest Sorting Quiz (Sashayed)

Uncomfortable with Ilvermorny, J.K. Rowling's American Hogwarts? Luckily, there's an alternative institution of magical learning in the Land of the Free: EAGLECREST, the American Hogwarts that I invented when I was drunk in 2014.

Located inside Mount Rushmore and led by Headbroster Joe Biden, EAGLECREST may just be the American wizard school for you. Take this quiz to find out which of its four houses you belong in.

Created by: KS of Sashayed Tumblr
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Which American landmark is your favorite?
- The White House
- The Statue of Liberty
- Disneyworld
- The Grand Canyon
Which eagle merchandise most appeals to you?
- Cute bikini
- Muscle tank
- Terrifying rubber mask
- Organic cotton t-shirt benefiting actual eagle sanctuary
Which quote by a founding father appeals most to you?
- "He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression." --Paine
- "The Pleasure arising to a few Philosophers...can it be compared with the Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels?" --Franklin
- "A little of what you call frippery is very necessary." --Abigail Adams
- "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few." --Washington
Where would you most like to live?
- In a camper van that I can take anywhere
- In a cute and Instagramable apartment
- In a classic and refined home with masculine details
- In a loft with a giant hammock
- In Patrick Bateman's (American Psycho) actual apartment
- In a moody and gothic Victorian
- In a rustic cabin with beautiful nature views
- In a small but extremely cozy studio
Which hand emoji resonates with you?
- Nail polish
- Raised fist
- Fist bump
- Peace sign
Which song from Hamilton is your favorite?
- "Satisfied"
- "Wait For It"
- "The Room Where It Happens"
- "You'll Be Back"
- I still haven't listened to Hamilton.
- Other, and I'm offended you didn't include it.
- I'm not really a musical person.
- Uh, only ALL OF THEM??
Which superhero do you most identify with?
- Steve Rogers/Captain America
- Tony Stark/Iron Man
- Clint Barton/Hawkeye
- Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow
- Thor
- Jessica Jones
- T'Challa/Black Panther
- Wade Wilson/Deadpool
What was your main objection to JKR's American Hogwarts?
- Embarrassing & offensive issues of cultural appropriation
- Seemed fine, didn't care
- Just a general lack of America-specific creativity & pizzazz
- I don't like anything nerds like
Which Plastic (Mean Girls) is most like you?
- Karen
- Regina
- Gretchen
- Cady
Which face emoji are you most likely to use?
- Kissy face
- Unimpressed face
- Winky tongue face
- Sleepy face
Which magical creature most appeals to you?
- Anything that grants wishes
- Dragons
- Werewolves
- Unicorns
Choose a cat, please.
- Popped collar cat
- Sprawled out cat
- Fancy wine cat
- Ballot box cat
Choose a Beyoncé, please.
- Money Beyoncé
- Cake Beyoncé
- Formation Beyoncé
- Hold Up Beyoncé
Choose a Joe Biden, please.
- Aviator sunglasses Joe
- Sexy young Joe
- Ice cream snackin' Joe
- Righteous fury smackdown Joe

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