How Pakistani are you? (first class number one!)

We all know that Pakistan is the hottest thing around. And everyone wants to claim some Pakistan in their genes! But we need something to separate the wheat from the chaff ...

So the question is, how Pakistani are you? Put on some relaxing qawwali music, get a nice cup of chai, and take this quiz to find out! (you may wish to start it 45 minutes late, just to get into the right frame of mind)

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. You walk into a dark room. What do you do?
Switch on the light
Open the light
Hit the lights
Throw yourself on the floor and wail at your awful lightless fate
4. You score 97% in a maths test at school. Your parents say:
Well done!
Shabash, beta.
What did everyone else get?
What happened to the other 3%
5. A close relative has had a baby boy. What do you take to their house as a gift?
Nothing
A box of chocolates
A box of ladoo
Money
6. You are served a plate of spaghetti. What is your ideal accompaniment?
Chilli sauce
Garlic bread
A roti
Red wine
7. You are visited by an elderly relative. When greeting them you expect them to:
Shake your hand
Pat your head
Slap your face
Hug you
8. Someone asks you if you're Indian. You feel:
Confused
Offended
Flattered
Ready to slap them upside the head
9. You and your family arrive home from a trip abroad. You are met by:
No one
One or two friends/family
Your entire 400-strong extended family, complete with that aunty you only see once a year
Immigration officials
10. It was hot on your trip abroad! Your friend comments on your tan. You might reply:
Thanks!
I hope I don't get skin cancer
TANNED?! Oh my God, I'm HIDEOUS!!
Yeah well you ain't exactly looking pasty yourself, yaar
11. You are invited to a wedding for 6.30 pm. You arrive at approximately:
6.15
6.30
7.00
9.00 (if we're being optimistic)
12. The door has just slammed shut by itself! What might have caused it?
A gust of wind
A JINN
Poor door installation by a cowboy builder
Who cares
13. What did you wear at school?
the school uniform/what everyone else wore
a close appoximation of the school uniform, purchased mostly from the cash&carry
a shalwar kameez
goth clothes
14. Your mother has an older friend called Julie, with kids called Jane and John. You call them...
Aunt Julie, Jane and John
Julie, Jane and John
Auntijee, Bhai and Baji
'the goray'
15. Your teenage sister was seen at the local shopping sister talking to a white boy. What do your parents do?
Wail and moan at the dishonour she has brought to the family, then ground her for life.
Talk to and advise her on relationships.
Send her to Pakistan
Congratulate her on finally having found a boyfriend.
16. Your male cousin washes dishes while his sisters watch TV. You think this is:
A travesty against the very nature of man
Commendable on his behalf
Perfectly normal
Some twisted act of blackmail
17. You see something you like in a shop, but it's too expensive. You:
Save up and buy it
Order a similar but inferior copy from abroad
Haggle for a bit as a joke
Haggle with the shop owner until either the price is acceptable or you're thrown out by security
18. Pakistan are playing India at cricket. You support:
Pakistan
England
Neither, cricket is boring
Neither, the conflict of interests would make my head implode
19. Now India are playing England. You support:
India
England
Whoever's winning
I told you already, cricket's BORING!
20. Did any of your instant messenger contacts have anything along the lines of 'RIP BOB WOOLMER' in their screen names?
Nope
Maybe one or two
More than two
Who's Bob Woolmer?
21. Your favorite dessert is:
Rasomalaaaaaaaaaai!
Chocolate cake
Ice cream
I don't like sweet things
22. You are likely to have friends named:
Janet, Jemima and Jason
Aisha, Samina and Mohammed
Shaniqua, Monique and DJ Fizzle
Pinky, Dolly and Bubbly
23. Who's the best looking out of these options?
Angelina Jolie
Aishwarya Rai
Halle Berry
Kate Moss
24. Your hypothetical friend admires and praises your hypothetical baby. You reply:
Why thank you, I made it myself
Meh, it's nothing special
Yes I know. He's also training to be a daactar
STOP PUTTING NAZR ON MY BABY
25. How many of the following are you related to: a shopkeeper, a doctor, a dentist, an engineer, an accountant, and a man who looks 10 months pregnant
0
1-2
3-4
5-6
26. How many of the following do you have in your extended family: a performer, an artist, a plumber, a joiner, and someone who's always early for everything
0
1-2
3-4
5
27. How many of the following might be found in your house: a ornamental tissue box cover, a collection of chappal, 50lb sacks of rice/flour/onions, a box of mangoes, coconut oil, a lota, and a medical student.
0
1-2
3-4
5+
28. Qayd e Azam was:
A man who wore a funny hat, hehehe
A politician
The founder of our great nation
...a Disney character?
29. Which of these is the flag of Pakistan?
saffron, white and green bands with a blue chakra
green, with a red disc just off centre
green with a white band, and a white moon and star
green with a mango and cricket bat (if it isn't then it should be!)
30. Pak sar zameen shad bad!
KISHWARAY HASEEN SHAD BAAAD!
You what now?
Uhhh... that's the national anthem, right?
Why, what wonderful spiritual poetry.
31. The final and definitive question: have you ever re-used giftwrap?
Yes! Pakistan zindabad!
No, what kind of cheapskate do you think I am?!
No, good idea though...

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