(homies)
- Locked due to inactivity on Apr 13, '17 3:54am
Thread Topic: (homies)
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its so frustrating, being defined by something you didn't do, didn't mean to do. it's so frustrating, knowing that your best will never be good enough. and like, it's funny, because i know people believe in me, but i keep looking at all of the relationships ive lost and honestly my entire motivation is just gone. its so hard, you know? being indirectly insulted, or seeing how other people are being treated so much nicer than how you were. and no amount of "stay off, stop reading the messages" can really stop you. not when your life was built by those people. not when you practiced what you did for them. i tried to use the anger as fuel to be motivated but i can't do it. i can't. for the first time, in a long time, i haven't done my work, i haven't studied, i haven't tried, i've just submersed myself in a fake world so i can pretend that i'll be okay but it's not happening. and it sucks, when i'm trying to be nice, trying to hold back everything, but its not working. i try not to start fights because honestly i don't want to make anyone upset. i don't want anyone to look at me and have their day ruined, or for anyone to waste their time arguing with me. even the people who hate me, i want them to see me and just be like, "okay. you're a person. you're there. that's cool. i don't appreciate you, but at least you don't upset me." and honestly i wish i could do more. because no matter how much i say i hate someone, or how angry i am that they blamed me for something, or how frustrated i am, i still love everyone. and i wish i wasn't the way i was. im sick of looking at someone's post and getting angry because of dumb reasons or being upset because im really alone without them. and i guess it's my fault, but like, i don't know.
i don't know why i'm posting this. it's a mess of words. but hey, it's okay. i'm going to go now, and all i can say is im sorry to anyone i hurt because i didn't want to. im sorry to the people ive offended, disgusted, mocked, abused, argued with, ect. im sorry if i ever made you feel like i was a bad friend. probably was/am. but i hope you all enjoy your time, and even if you don't forgive me, i hope you see this and know im being sincere with my apology. ive never wanted to add hatred in your life. you dont deserve it. thanks for listening. bye -
shower me with affection and sympathy plz
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Le1F Experienced2ldr
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