Which Classical Author Are You?

This is a quiz regarding Greek and Roman authors...I designed it so that your results indicate which author you are supposed to be. I hasten to add that this is not serious... its just for fun.

If you know something about Roman and Greek authors, it may make more sense to you than if you don't. (I'm an undergraduate Classicist avoiding revision)

1. What is your age?
Under 18 Years Old
18 to 24 Years Old
25 to 30 Years Old
31 to 40 Years Old
41 to 50 Years Old
51 to 60 Years Old
Over 60 Years Old
2. What is your gender?
Male
Female
3. In your spare time, what do you enjoy doing?
Plotting the death of the emperor.
Well, I do have plans to travel the world...
Drinking wine in the shade.
Picking up women.
Helping at my mum's grocery store.
Having deep meaningful conversations.
4. How do you feel about the women in your life?
Don't know - but I feel something and it really hurts!
They're all either weepy wives or creepy barbarians.
They have their own sort of virtue.
No comment...whenever I talk about women, I get accused of misogyny!
Which woman in particular?
Pah!
5. What are your political views?
I know exactly how the world should be run...read my book.
I am a democrat.
Kings should be just, not violent.
Woe! The Republic is dead!
I want to commit suicide about election results.
Well, I'm always nice to him, but Augustus doesn't like me.
6. What is your favourite animal?
Animals are unpolitical men.
I prefer vegetables.
Parrots.
Oxen...with sharp-toothed dogs as second best.
Sparrows.
Snakes!
7. What would you say to Homer?
Fancy a ticket to my latest play?
Loser!
Get out of my perfect city at once.
Homer! Great scott. How can this be? You're supposed to be dead.
Guess what? My epic hero tramples on your epic hero's grave!
You write far too much, man.
8. Ideal holiday destination?
Greece in the festival season.
Bithynia
Euboia
Macedonia
The academy.
Anywhere except Tomi.
9. You witness a heinous murder on the street. What do you do?
Relapse into depression because it reminds you of your brother's death.
Write a poem comparing it to an aspect of contemporary Roman life.
Marvel at the gruesome violence.
Lecture the victim on the immortality of the soul.
Engage in a drawn-out conversation with the victim, lamenting their fate.
Summon your dog to the rescue.
10. What is your worst quality?
I never know when to stop.
I loved that girl too much.
Well....I don't know much about seafaring. Is that bad?
My genius is my own worst enemy.
I always lose.
I'm very ignorant.
11. What are you most afraid of?
The unenquiring mind.
My girlfriend.
Exile.
The inevitability of fate.
Aristophanes.
Poverty.
12. Describe your best friend.
I don't do friends, I hang out in a cave.
Well, the public love me.
He's the wisest man ever to live.
I used to be mates with the emperor.
He's my useless brother.
He's a succint historian.
13. What sort of death would suit you?
Noble suicide.
Execution.
Death from exhaustion.
I'm not planning to die.
As long as its not dismemberment, I'm happy.
Being run over by a plough.

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